05/17/2017 05:03 EDT | Updated 05/17/2017 05:04 EDT

Calgary Stampede's 2017 Menu Will Stop Your Heart

Yes, that sausage is one metre long.

Just when we thought the Calgary Stampede couldn't top its $100 hot dog of 2015, it went and deep fried Jell-O.

This year's Stampede, running from July 7 to 16, will feature a bunch of completely new, completely over-the-top food items.

Check out some of additions for 2017:

  • Metre-Long Sausage
    Metre-Long Sausage
    Calgary Stampede
    This giant meat stick is topped with sautéed bell peppers, onions and the Stampede's house sauce. Oh, and it's A METRE LONG.
  • Clam Chowder Poutine
    Clam Chowder Poutine
    Calgary Stampede
    The Stampede is adding yet another chapter to our great nation's saga of poutine with the Clam Chowder Poutine. The cheesy fries are topped with crab meat and parsley, promised to be "creamy clammy goodness."

    BTW, Canadians have also been given the pleasure of poutine wedding cake, and even poutine-flavoured lip balm.
  • The Cookie Dough-ne
    The Cookie Dough-ne
    Calgary Stampede
    The genius that thought this up must have been indulging her inner five-year-old. It's a waffle cone ... filled with raw cookie dough ... surrounded by a "Stampede halo" of cotton candy and sprinkles. Wow.
  • Deep Fried Jell-O
    Deep Fried Jell-O
    Calgary Stampede
    "Just when you thought it couldn’t be deep fried… we did it," the Stampede announced on its website. Our only question is "How?" No, wait. Also, "WHY?"
  • Double Bacon Mac And Cheese Dog
    Double Bacon Mac And Cheese Dog
    Calgary Stampede
    You probably shouldn't try this if you have high cholesterol. Actually, you probably shouldn't try this if you don't. This foot-long hot dog is wrapped in bacon and then topped with a not-so-healthy serving of bacon mac and cheese.
  • Mr. Crab
    Mr. Crab
    Calgary Stampede
    If you've ever left all-you-can-eat sushi still hungry, this one's for you. Mr. Crab is a taco of sorts — a tempura nori shell stuffed with sushi rice and crab meat, then topped with an entire tempura-fried soft shell crab for good measure.
  • Unicorn White Hot Chocolate
    Unicorn White Hot Chocolate
    Calgary Stampede
    The Stampede is meeting Starbucks' unicorn Frappuccino and raising it a cotton candy-covered hot chocolate. This is the definition of sugar overload.