POLITICS
12/13/2017 18:00 EST | Updated 12/13/2017 18:24 EST

Rodger Cuzner's 2017 Christmas Poem Pokes Fun At Andrew Scheer, Jagmeet Singh

And he says the Bloc Quebecois can't separate laundry.

Rodger Cuzner gestures in the House of Commons while making fun of Tory Leader Andrew Scheer's dimples on Dec. 13, 2017.
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Rodger Cuzner gestures in the House of Commons while making fun of Tory Leader Andrew Scheer's dimples on Dec. 13, 2017.

Liberal MP Rodger Cuzner delivered a holiday ribbing Wednesday to his boss' two chief rivals: Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer and NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh.

Every year before MPs head home for the holiday break, Cuzner rises in the House of Commons to read his own spin on "'Twas The Night Before Christmas."

It's become such a tradition that the mere sight of the affable Nova Scotia MP standing up before question period is enough to spark applause.

Cuzner's poem poked fun at Scheer's dimples and the fact that the Liberals were able to steal a seat from the Tories in the British Columbia riding of South Surrey-White Rock this week.

But he had some sharper digs at the "Dippers," noting that their leader doesn't have a seat in the House and that New Democrats haven't seen much of a polling bump since Singh took over from Thomas Mulcair in October.

"The Dippers believe their saviour's been sent. He's bumped up their polling to 16 per cent," Cuzner said of Singh.

"To the new leader, here's a challenge to meet. It would be sweet to compete with Jagmeet for a seat."

Cuzner got his biggest laughs, however, when he jabbed at the Bloc Quebecois.

The Bloc were once strong but find themselves in a quandary. Break up the country? They couldn't separate their own laundry.Liberal MP Rodger Cuzner

"The Bloc were once strong but find themselves in a quandary. Break up the country? They couldn't separate their own laundry," Cuzner said.

While Bloc MPs openly criticized their leader Martine Ouellet in June, party unity has since improved.

Cuzner also appeared to reference criticism the Liberal government has faced over small business tax reforms, saying the hard work has been quite "taxing."

And stealing a line from his 2016 poem, Cuzner ended by saying that in the next election he's betting on his "boy," Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Read Cuzner's full poem below:

'Twas the week before Christmas and not much was new;

But I'll just take a moment to offer my view.

The new Tory leader picked a political spat;

But it's hard to take him serious with dimples like that;

But even those dimples cannot hide the shock;

Of what happened Monday evening in South Surrey—White Rock.

The Dippers believe their saviour's been sent;

He's bumped up their polling to 16 per cent..

To the new leader, here's a challenge to meet;

It would be sweet to compete with Jagmeet for a seat.

The Bloc were once strong, but find themselves in a quandary;

Break up the country? They couldn't separate their own laundry.

While opposition parties were sitting back and relaxing;

We were doing the hard work, which some say was quite taxing.

Housing and poverty, so much progress has been made;

Take, for example, international trade.

'Cuz as much as we love trade with North Carolina;

Opportunities abound in places like China.

And if the current view of NAFTA is forced to be dealt;

I'll hang mistletoe off the back of my belt.

There's the far left, the alt right, and the smart in between;

I'd still bet on our boy in 2019!

But it seems Cuzner may soon have some competition. Just before his statement, Tory MP Mark Strahl delivered a Christmas poem of his own.

Strahl's verses mocked Finance Minister Bill Morneau for not fully disclosing his financial arrangements before taking on the job and for the tax proposals that angered small business owners in the fall.

The MP lauded Scheer as younger, taller, and "more virile" than Trudeau.

"He works hard for our party, starts each day before dawn," Strahl said of Scheer.

"And the best part of all is he keeps his shirt on."

Watch Strahl's remarks below:

Strahl's full poem:

'Twas 12 days before Christmas, almost time to head home

But first we'll endure that Cape Bretoner's poem

But before he gets up and makes fun of us Tories

We get to stand up and tell our Christmas story.

The Liberals have had quite a fall, it's been swell

To see all their plans go to Morneau-Shep-Hell.

They went after our farmers and small business owners

While protecting their ass-ets, and their wealthy friend donors

And they sometimes forget, 'cause it's easy to do

When you're counting your villas - is it 1, 3, or 2?

There've been some big changes for us around here.

We have a new leader, and fur us it is clear

That he's younger, and taller, more virile and sharper

Than the current PM, and he smiles more than Harper.

He works hard for our party, starts each day before dawn

And the best part of all is he keeps his shirt on

He has no Mercedes, no fortune, no nannies

But he's such a nice man, he connects with the grannies.

Yes, in 2019 it will be quite a fight.

But till then, Merry Christmas, and to all, a safe flight.

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