"This is my superbly average 2005 Chevrolet Cobalt, Carmen," says a luxurious voice as a man casually walks toward the car.
"If you have no intentions of ever getting laid again, buy this car now."
This is how 25-year-old Reid Zandbelt starts off an advertisement he directed and filmed for his car, which he wants to sell before he moves to New Zealand from Embrun, Ont.
"Carmen boasts some remarkable features: an off-colour driver's door handle, left and right turn signals that work, not that you'd ever use them. Nobody ever does," says Gary Craig, a voice actor Zandbelt hired online for the role.
"You'll be thrilled with after-market front speakers and a radio system, because 17-year-old me thought that was a smart decision."
Zandbelt has owned the car, his first, since 2013.
"I knew when I got the car I always wanted to do a video kind of like this, just kind of tongue in cheek, making fun of all the things that are wrong with it," he told HuffPost Canada.
And although 99 per cent of the ad's script is Zandbelt just ripping on the vehicle — asking price: $799, by the way — he says he's had some good memories with it.
"If I wasn't moving, I wouldn't want to be selling the car," he said. "It's been great to me. It still drives pretty well. I've been on quite a bit of road trips down to the States and all around Canada, so it does have a little bit of sentimental value. But, time to go."
He said the response to the video, which stars his friend Ashton Fillion, has been overwhelmingly positive so far and that it's made a lot of people laugh.
Zandbelt listed the car on eBay for $799 but took down the listing on Monday after no one bit. It's still up for sale, if any 2005 Chevrolet Cobalt hunters are out there.
More from HuffPost Canada:
'Tin can' finds a buyer
Somehow, Zandbelt's video isn't the only hilarious car ad to take the brutally honest approach. A user named "jefft3123" recently posted a glowing listing of his 1993 Subaru Justy on UsedVictoria.com.
"Have you dreamed about driving to work in a tin can? Do you want a car that blends into the crushing mediocrity of everyday life?" the user writes.
According to CTV News, the listing received almost 28,000 views in a day. And if you're wondering, the tin can has been sold. Somehow.
Maybe honesty really is the best policy.