In an episode full of the zingiest zingers in all the Seven Kingdoms, Sansa Stark was queen.
Except she's not really queen. ZING. That would be Daenerys Targaryen, who's having a steamy romance with Sansa's brother, Jon Snow. ZING. Who isn't really a bastard, he's Dany's nephew. ZING, ZING, ZING.
The first episode of the final season of "Game of Thrones" got right down to the business of reuniting old friends and bitter enemies after keeping fans waiting for almost 19 months of agony. And while the episode served as more of set-up for the inevitable action to come, it kept things moving along at a crisp pace, thanks to an almost non-stop onslaught of one-liners and mic-drops that had viewers screaming at their screens and making memes like the Night King creates wights.
So take a breath, take a minute and relive the wit of Winterfell (and King's Landing) as we take you through the best "Holy SH*T" moments and one-liners from 'Game of Thrones' season eight, episode one.
Spoilers ahead, obviously.
Team Jon/Daenerys arrive at Winterfell
To be honest, this isn't really that much of an OMFG moment. But it's impressive to see the Unsullied in their all their CGI glory march into Winterfell. And Jon and Dany riding side-by-side like Mom and Dad. Except they're not Mom and Dad. Unless your mom and dad are on the same side of your family tree, which, in this universe, isn't unheard of.
Sansa: What do dragons eat anyway? Dany: Whatever they want.
BRING. ON. THIS. POWER. STRUGGLE. WE. WANT. ALL. OF. IT.
Tyrion to Sansa: Many underestimated you. Most of them are dead now.
The formerly wed-against-their-wishes couple reunite! And Tyrion's not wrong. As Arya says later on in the episode, Sansa is "the smartest person I've ever met." Let's not forget how she brought the horrid Ramsay Bolton to his canine death and reduced Littlefinger to a whimpering mess (before Arya reduced him to a bloody mess). Sansa's in it to win it, people.
Sansa to Tyrion: I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.
They call her Lady 'Truth bomb' Winterfell. Again, Sansa's learned from the wickedest. She survived Joffrey, for pie's sake.
Arya to Jon: How did you survive a knife to the heart? Jon: I didn't.
Hey, at least he's self-aware. So many questions. What is going to happen when Jon the undead-but-alive king of the Seven Kingdoms comes face-to-skull with the undead-but-undead King of the Night? Our resuscitated hearts can't take the drama!
Cersei to Euron Greyjoy: You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen, earn it.
Slut-shamey judgment aside, this was such a loaded line for Cersei. What are her intentions with Euron? Clearly she's holding all the cards in this scenario, even though Euron thinks he has some sway. Silly Euron. You have no idea.
Euron to Cersei: I'm going to put a prince in your belly. Cersei: 😏
Yara Greyjoy's headbutt to Theon
A crack to the skull speaks a thousand words, amirite? And so did Yara's hand-up to get Theon/Reek/Theon Again back on his feet. Because what else do you do to a brother who jumps overboard when you're being attacked and taken prisoner but who then comes back to rescue you?
Bronn being offered all the money in the world from Cersei to kill her two "treacherous brothers."
Notable for several reasons. Has Cersei truly turned on Jaime? And have these showrunners really not heard any of our notes about gratuitous female nudity? *Eyeroll*
Jon: It's cold out here for a southern girl. Dany: Then come keep your queen warm.
You know that great point in a relationship, where it's new and things are fresh and romantic and exciting, and you haven't discovered you're close relatives yet?
Drogon's face when Jon and Daenerys kiss.
"If I could speak and not breathe fire for once, I'd say, "FFS, SHE'S YOUR AUNT, MAN."
Varys, looking at Jon and Dany talking: Nothing lasts.
WE KNOW, VARYS, THANKS.
The Night King's message to Tormund and co. at Last Hearth
The most horrifying mic-drop of the episode comes by way of the Night King stringing up the wee Lord of Umber-now-white-walker in the centre of a tie-dye looking pattern on a wall, and that pattern is actually made of HUMAN ARMS.
Nope. No thank you. Not rewatching that again (OK, maybe tomorrow).
Samwell Tarly tells Jon he's the real king of the Seven Kingdoms
After learning that Daenerys killed his brother and father in a questionable move in season 7, Sam, the trusted buddy to Jon Snow, tells Jon Snow he's actually ... not a Snow. "You've never been a bastard. You are Aegon Targaryen. True heir to the Iron Throne."
Jon: (Heavy breathing. Looks a bit woozy)
Sam, in the understatement of the episode: I'm sorry, I know it's a lot to take.
What about us, Sam, huh? We've been holding this in for 19 BLOODY MONTHS waiting for this show to get on the road.
JAIME SEES BRAN FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE HE PUSHED HIM OFF THE TOWER IN SEASON 1. THEIR EYES LOCK.
Literally the moment we've all been waiting for since the end of season one episode one.
Cue end credits and our hyperventilating. What were your favourite moments? What are your predictions? Let us know in the comments below.
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