05/27/2016 09:26 EDT | Updated 05/28/2017 05:12 EDT

Why Are We Shaming All The Single People?

Jamie Grill via Getty Images

You better shack up fast before all the men are gone.

I'm not falling for it, the marriage propaganda. I see many traditional folks are fearful of the foreseeable change, scared for the future of the atomic family. My dad lectured me one day, "People don't stay in jobs for 25 years anymore." My reaction was "Yes!"

From his view this is negative, people are getting out of line, out of their place in life and that makes him, and many others, uncomfortable. My generation doesn't want to follow the traditional path of: meet young, commit to forever, pop out babies, house, car, retirement plan, and sleep when you're dead.

My good friend, Cheryl Muir, wrote a blog recently on single women having the upper hand in business on account of not having anyone to answer to when it comes to decisions on money, career etc. She got straight up attacked for it by one preacher of fear and shame with comments such as:

- When you are finally ready to settle down, maybe men of your same age will not want to...just saying...

- the women have melted since entering their 50's childless

- many entitled, spoiled and heavy American women will men want then..?

- because millennial men do not want to marry you

I had to put my few cents in and had to hold myself back from telling her she's probably going to be divorced by 45, statistically speaking, the age she thinks we need to worry about being single because the men won't be interested anymore.

Does my value go down as I age?

My value, my feelings about myself is for me to decide, not America's Next Top Model lineup of judges.

There is always enough love for everyone. You can find love at any age when you are willing to give love in return. Fear of aging is rampant, with men and women. I bought the most expensive wrinkle creams at 18 and obsessively watched myself age in the mirror.

After a lot of self-work and love, I dropped the crap and chose to love myself, every wrinkle, every imperfection inside and out. This form of self-love is what we could be spreading, as opposed to fear of aging and the fear of ending up alone. We were born alone, and we will die alone, whether or not you have a husband and kids, this is true for all of us.

Spinster is a State of Mind

I'd love to hear from some singles on how they enjoy the luxury of solo life. Not every moment of single existence is heavenly, and let me tell you as a divorced woman, my bad moments single is nothing compared to my bad moments married, after hastily marrying the wrong man. I'm not here, on earth, to reproduce, okay maybe I am, I don't know what "their" plan is. But I do know I live in a time where I have a choice how I spend my life, my day, my career, and how and if I choose a mate.

If you are currently single, and potentially not enjoying it, try making a list of all the things you could be doing, you want to be doing, and start doing it.

Fear Mongers

Fear mongering or scaremongering is the deliberate use of fear based tactics including exaggeration and usually repetition to influence the public in order to achieve a desired outcome.

When I come across a fear monger, it has the tendency to push me in the opposite direction of which they are preaching. Similar to my experiences with the Church as a young child, I was told constantly to be repentant, I was immoral, and someone gave up their only son for me to live this sinful life. I lived in stress and fear as a child, until I decided not to believe it. I refuse to believe my fear preachers as well. I'm not going to hurry up and find a man to marry and impregnate me for the fear of my 50's.

The world is changing, cut and dry. The people are choosing a variety of lifestyles from multi-passionate careers, corporate ladder climbing, single, married, non-monogamous, asexual, and many more.

Maybe this isn't you and may never apply to you, though can you see the change brewing on the planet, in human existence. I see the few couples who have maintained love and trust for many years and I applaud you. This is no way an attack on the ones putting it out there every day and choosing their marriage. This is simply a plea to stop shaming the people who choose a different path in life. I'm living life to my fullest ability, sometimes single, sometimes attached.

If you do not change you may end up where you are heading.
Lao Tzu

Change is inevitable, Progress is optional.
Tony Robbins

Everything changes, nothing remains without change.

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