Christina Walkinshaw is a stand-up comic living in Toronto. Her half hour comedy special often repeats in the middle of the night while you’re sleeping. She was nominated for Best Female Stand Up Comic in the 2012 Canadian Comedy Awards. She lost. In general, she chooses to avoid mushrooms and marriage. You can follow her on Twitter @walkinsauce.
A fellow comic, Jen Grant has been in the news. A lot of people, some of whom barely know her, have been standing up for her. I figure I should too, since she is one of my best friends, my next door neighbour, people often mistake us for sisters, plus she made me a muffin yesterday.
I've never been in a relationship with a woman before, but I have slept with a few. So when a woman FINALLY says yes to me on Tinder, (ladies, what's the deal? Am I chopped liver, or what?) I'm literally giddy. I'm even more excited when she messages me.
12/16/2013 05:25 EST
His tagline is facking hilarious: Toronto's most illegible bachelor. Good one, dude. It looks like he's at the top of Runyon Canyon in his profile pic, but he's wearing a long-sleeved plaid shirt. I h...
11/07/2013 04:47 EST
I've been pretty spoiled since I've been on Tinder. It's time for me to buy some drinks for a dude. This is the "Christina Gives Back" Tinder date. Plus, I just got a Trillium cheque in the mail. That should cover the tab. I message him first. Hey dude. How's Tindering going?
10/31/2013 05:35 EDT
He walks in, smiling. I like people that smile. I smile A LOT. Within minutes of the date, he shows me pictures of his cat. Don't be foiled by an eyebrow ring, ladies. Sometimes the edgy looking ones are big softies. He LOVES cats! He shows me many pictures of his kitty, including painted portraits.
10/27/2013 11:44 EDT
He says "You don't believe I'm a nice guy? Here. Look at this." And that's the moment I knew...I have to get the FACK out of here! He's showing us pictures of him getting beat up by the cops! I don't know why he would show us these to prove how "nice" he is.
10/16/2013 05:48 EDT
I tell him he looks way younger than 43. "You don't look 34 either," he says. "Yay! We're just two people, defying age! We must look young, because we avoid things like marriage and babies!" He coughs a little. "Actually, I've had both."
10/13/2013 11:35 EDT
I can't believe I did it. I hit the heart button on a guy with KIDS in his profile picture. Not one, but TWO kids! How mature do I think I am? Still...(deep breath) he is attractive. And I am 34. I have to face the fact that guys in my age bracket might have offspring, whether it was on purpose, or they forgot to pull out.
10/09/2013 05:50 EDT
As I approach the address of the restaurant, I see a sandy blonde hair dude standing out front of a nonexistent restaurant. There's just a big fence and a "Coming Soon" sign. Oops. Nice choice, Christina. Pick a bar that doesn't open for another two months, why don't you?
10/04/2013 05:44 EDT
Now I know I should immediately block this guy. Still... I'm oddly intrigued. My show ends around 10:30 p.m. I check my phone, and there's a message from him. You're my little nasty girl. I take a deep breath, and pray he's just kidding.
10/02/2013 12:25 EDT
A couple beers in, we're both yawning. The conversation starts to dry up. We're now talking the ceiling fixtures. Talking about lamps hanging from the ceiling is a sign we're both starting to space out. I'm also getting tweets from my comedian guy friends, who know I'm on a date. All of a sudden, I wish I was with them.
09/30/2013 12:57 EDT
According to his three profile pics, (two of which I like -- the third is "meh,") he may or may not look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. I walk into Bar Volo. It's a good spot for this hood. I'm definitely glad he didn't suggest the Duke of Gloucester. That place owes me a shitload in failed jukebox plays. I walk up to the bar, grab a beer and check-in on Foursquare.
09/25/2013 05:40 EDT
I head to my date. I warn him I look like a dirtbag. Pink Jack Daniel's shirt, jeans and Toms. I'm wearing a padded bra, so boobs are not to scale. I notice he's getting texts from a phone number that doesn't have a contact name. They seem to be coming in quite rapidly. I call it out: "Haha! You're getting messages from another Tinder, aren't you?" He denies it. I'm not buying it.
09/23/2013 12:33 EDT
I know I complained that the first date didn't talk enough, but this guy -- this guy is like Six from Blossom. He's really banging out the stories. I know I told him I have to work tonight, but not until 5:00 p.m. It's 2:00 p.m. You can slow down, dude.
09/20/2013 12:38 EDT
"We're the same age, aren't we? You're 27?" He says. UH-OH! "Um... no, actually...I think I'm a little older," I spit out, along with a laugh that sounds like I might be choking. "Really? How old are you?" all of a sudden, I'm feeling a little cougary. So I suggest a place that's good to take a younger man.
09/18/2013 12:04 EDT
I've never online dated before but a little app called Tinder came along and piqued my interest. It's like a game of "hot or not" meets Grindr for straight people. This could be fun. Plus, I'm 34 years old. I might only have a few good looking years left. I might as well play this game to the max. So let's do this.
09/16/2013 12:48 EDT
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