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Danko Jones


Danko Jones sings and plays guitar for his eponymously named band. Conversely, he also dabbles as a music journalist writing for Close-Up Magazine, Rock Zone Magazine and Burning Guitars.
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In Praise of the Gourmet Burger

Since McDonald's fast food restaurants were brought to their knees by Morgan Spurlock's "Supersize Me" documentary, patronage has dropped quite considerably. Despite people's growing aversion to the golden arches, the collective craving for a hamburger hasn't diminished. What's helped satiate the ground beef patty itch is the recent trend of the gourmet burger.
02/23/2013 05:09 EST

Please, Don't Call Me or Yourself An "Artist"

Can all people making music everywhere just agree to never use the word "artist" when describing themselves? After 17 years playing music, I've been labeled an "artist" by others many times, more out of journalistic automation than any sincere intent. Still, each time I've been tagged with this word I consider it a slur.
02/16/2013 09:35 EST
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The Grammys' Biggest Fraudster Is My Biggest Hero

The controversy surrounding Al Walser's nomination in the Best Dance Recording category for his song "I Can't Live Without You" has to do with his unknown status as a dance act. Al Walser is our pop culture leveler. He's pulled the best prank on the industry since Shawn Fanning created Napster.
02/10/2013 03:53 EST

A Non-Smoker's Mixtape Of Songs For the Stoned

If you're like me -- a person who doesn't drink or smoke -- people assume you're a recovering drug addict. I definitely experimented, dabbled, even habitually enjoyed for some time, and had a general all-around blast. My main reason for smoking marijuana in the first place was only to enjoy the music. So put this list on and just enjoy, you lucky bastards.
02/09/2013 12:15 EST

Spinning Superheroes on the Ones and Twos

I'm concerned my zeal for Power Records may very well be the beginning of my near-ironic imperial moustache/pork pie hat/monocle phase and that scares me to death. But I think my Power Records collection stems from wanting to creatively re-engage with the superheroes I grew up with while I still can.
02/02/2013 12:12 EST

How American Idol Killed the Music Star

Since the late 90s, reality shows have taken over almost all of today's television programming. What this new star process yields are anxious malleable, vacant performers who ape correctly, take instructions obediently and, outside of pleasing the masses, don't have a shred of genuine character.
01/25/2013 05:39 EST

Want to Learn About the Music Biz? Don't Watch "This is 40"

This is 40 is a quaint, charming, coming-of-middle-age story. The only problem is that in Paul Rudd's "Pete" character, an indie label owner, I am asked to suspend an amount of disbelief equal to the amount of money that apparently flows so endlessly from his ex-Sony Music employee pockets when it comes to the movie's depiction of the music business.
01/18/2013 05:30 EST

Screw Jose Canseco: Why I Should Be Toronto's Next Mayor

Recently former Blue Jays baseball player Jose Canseco ventured a tweet announcing his interest in the almost-vacant Toronto mayoral seat. Never mind that Canseco is American and ineligible, and never mind that his steroid past makes him a laughable prospect. What became an easy press field-day revealed a scarier state of affairs -- Rob Ford is just bad enough to make ANYONE seem better as mayor.
01/11/2013 05:08 EST

The Weird Stuff I Got Myself For Christmas

"Christmas is all about giving." It's a catchphrase that's been bludgeoned into us since we were kids. It's not politically correct to say, but for most of us Christmas is actually about getting exactly what you want for YOURSELF. Now that the holidays are officially over and stragglers have by now dropped off the last of the presents, it's time to survey the spoils. This year's yield was most fruitful.
01/05/2013 07:49 EST
YouTube: Psy

The Best Music Video of 2012 Wasn't Gangnam Style

Although 2012 was a landmark year for music videos, where "Gangnam Style had one billion hits and bands like "Walk Off The Earth" got 142 million views for simply covering Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know," it was also a year in which the greatest video I have ever seen was released to comparatively little fanfare.
12/28/2012 12:02 EST

The Only Christmas Music Worth Listening To

Surprisingly, I've never hated Christmas music and I've always felt the more the merrier. That said, everyone must understand, there's only one Christmas album that matters. To my ears, all other Christmas albums sound like third-rate Chipmunks knock-offs, and that includes the impervious Bing Crosby!
12/21/2012 12:31 EST

My Very Early Exposure to the Great Ravi Shankar

I'm very grateful to my parents whether they realize it or not. And I am grateful for that night they took me out, to stay up way past my bedtime, to see Ravi Shankar play when I was eight years old. Did I have a clue as to who I was watching that night? Absolutely not. Years later I remember sitting in my room kicking myself for not taking it all in properly.
12/14/2012 12:08 EST
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Danko Jones' Guide To Canadian Noise Bands

Canada has been a bastion of noise rock 'n' roll for years. So I made a primer for the curious to search out, to listen to and/or place METZ, Japandroids and Fucked Up into context as you grope in the loud dark that is '90s rock. Here are 10 examples of '90s noise outfits from our Great White North.
12/07/2012 05:18 EST

How Rock 'n' Roll Is Starbucks Coffee?

Temptations are always abound in the world of rock 'n' roll and it's easy to be drawn to them like flies to a pile of shit. In the last few years I have fallen to an addiction -- I've become a coffee drinker. When I told my friends I'd caved they excitedly began schooling me on the world of java. Still, drinking Starbucks coffee doesn't come without its share of conditions and compromises.
11/30/2012 05:15 EST

Medical Dramas Need to Lighten Up, STAT!

Why do people watch medical dramas? Who needs to spend what little free time they have sitting in front the television set watching, for example, a little kid be diagnosed with a terminal illness while his parents are in the midst of getting a divorce? Its real-life probability is still too high to simply suspend disbelief and enjoy it for the casual televised entertainment it's meant to be.
11/22/2012 12:33 EST
Flickr: CleoneYe

My Nightmare Is Hearing About Your Dream

Why do people think that others want to hear about their dreams? We all have them. Doesn't that cancel out each other's interest in them? But relaying dreams is like trying to use sign language on the blind. This painful ritual happens to almost everyone every morning of all our lives. We get it -- dreams are bizarre. Big deal.
11/16/2012 05:41 EST

The Greatest Band That Will Never Get a Grammy

Grammys are meant to crown the best of the best in music and in 2011 our very own Arcade Fire were it. Arcade Fire are a damn good band, but they're not the best band in the world. That's because the best band in world aren't from Los Angeles or New York or London or Montreal. The best band in the world are from Oslo, Norway and they're called Turbonegro.
11/09/2012 11:39 EST

Nothing Makes me Barf Like Facebook PDA

You know who I'm talking about because you all have friends like this: Couples who, despite the fact that they live with each other and share the same bed, feel the compulsion to constantly tell each other how much they love one another via uploaded photos of them kissing each other, or overemotional love proclamations as Facebook status updates for everyone to see. Barf.
11/02/2012 05:56 EDT

Foodies: the Puddle of Mudd of the Culinary World

Much in the way Nirvana begat Puddle of Mudd, the top chefs of the food renaissance have brought with them a new sub-group of preening, self-important windbags. I'm referring, of course, to people who call themselves "foodies." "Foodies" are people who feel the need to distinguish themselves from the rest of us who eat food. It all just makes me crave a Big Mac combo.
10/26/2012 12:21 EDT
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METZ Bring Hope to the Music Biz

Outlasting your own scene can make you feel both lonely and invincible with a dash of bitterness. I'm managing to keep the bitterness at bay, although you'd have to ask my eye-rolling bandmates if I'm succeeding. If METZ is the beginning of things to come, perhaps the pendulum will swing back to a time before monikers like "hipster" were divisively implemented.
10/19/2012 05:35 EDT