The doctor squirted goo on my round belly and dragged the doppler wand across it, and we listened to the doppler's staticky, promising nothingness for a long time. I didn't want to believe I could lose this too. So even when my doctor left the room to find a colleague, even when the colleague appeared and took her turn listening carefully, moving the doppler systematically across my lower abdomen, pressing hard, sweeping and turning and sweeping again, and finding nothing--even then, I held out hope that this time things could still turn out in my favour.
Editor, Writer and Poet
Lisa Martin-DeMoor is the co-editor of How to Expect What You're Not Expecting: Stories of Pregnancy, Parenthood, and Loss (Touchwood Editions, 2013), and the author of an award-winning poetry collection, One crow sorrow (Brindle & Glass, 2008). She keeps a blog about writing and motherhood at www.writerinresidence.ca.
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