Marcia Sirota is an author, speaker, coach and psychiatrist. She's the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, whose mandate is to help people have better relationships, be happier and create good habits.
I was just watching the video about Sean O'Brien, the #DancingMan, on Yahoo news the other day, and it got me thinking about all the bullying going on these days. It's the cause of so much suffering on the part of the victims, but it's also creating more misery for the bullies themselves.
Many of us are convinced that being "nice" is the way to win a friend or a partner and keep them; that if we please this person and give them what they need, they'll love us and stay with us, forever. Well, it doesn't really work that way. When we're "nice," the other person can't know who we really are.
05/26/2015 08:58 EDT
Fantastic relationships come when we can be equal yet different. When we accept each-other with all our own unique strengths and foibles, gifts and challenges, we can come together and complement one-another.
05/25/2015 07:56 EDT
Another Mother's Day has come and gone, and it has me reflecting on what it is that makes a mother. In my own life, I've been lucky to know many women who've been like a mother to me. There was my dev...
05/11/2015 12:01 EDT
Every human being has occasional dark thoughts, feelings and urges. Most of us can contain these, most of the time. Now and then, our dark side is provoked a bit more strongly, and we end up being not so nice. What provokes the shadow side of our personality to come out?
05/10/2015 11:09 EDT
A lot of people are attached to the idea of being "nice." It's not so easy for these individuals to let go of their need to be nice, or to appreciate how different it is from being kind. This distinction is important, however, because these two ways of being lead to very different outcomes in one's personal and professional life.
04/26/2015 10:45 EDT
Do you wish you were the person who takes a leadership role in the workplace and who is often given roles of greater responsibility by the bosses? Do you want to become the person who is rarely beset by self-doubt, self-criticism, or insecurities about your abilities? It's all possible. You simply need to gain confidence.
04/25/2015 10:04 EDT
In order to get out of the repeating cycle of problematic situations in your life, you need to be making choices from the part of your brain that is logical, practical and reasonable, as opposed to the part that's impulsive, irrational, self-critical and impractical.
04/22/2015 06:29 EDT
If you've been an overly nice person at work, you should understand that your self-worth can never be improved by trying so hard to please others. You have to learn how to validate and respect yourself, and stop doing so much for your co-workers. When you can focus on making yourself happy, you'll do a better job at work.
04/16/2015 08:41 EDT
When someone in the public eye chooses to engage in vitriolic attacks on another public figure, it reveals more about him and his character than it does about the supposed shortcomings of the person on the receiving end of the attack.
04/12/2015 01:16 EDT
I think it may be time for us Canadians to reconsider our investment in being so nice. We don't have to stop being kind, thoughtful, caring or polite, but we might want to try saying "No" on occasion. We might want to let go of our obsession with making everyone else happy at our own expense. If the fish is overcooked at the fancy restaurant we're eating at, we might actually consider sending it back. If we're put on hold for 20 minutes we might contemplate registering a protest. We might even imagine giving up our compulsion for saying "I'm sorry" at the least possible provocation.
04/03/2015 11:22 EDT
Perhaps some fearful women will want to hold onto the idea that a man will only want them if he doesn't have to respect them, but hopefully they'll see that it's better to be loved as well as respected by the men in their lives. Feminism is not a dirty word, anymore than love is, or respect, or compassion or consideration.
03/03/2015 05:48 EST
We can distinguish the reasonable men in our lives from the unreasonable men, simply by observing their reactions to our expressions of anger, displeasure or frustration toward them. A reasonable man is willing to take responsibility for his part in things; he'll accept our feedback and will make every effort to accommodate our needs.
03/01/2015 07:51 EST
When you think about resilience, you probably think of the ability to bounce back when faced with difficult or painful situations. You think about being able to carry on when you've encountered stress or loss, disappointment, frustration or tragedy. And that's all true. It's also, in my mind, closely associated with an attitude of empowerment.
02/25/2015 09:14 EST
Wellness isn't simply about getting enough exercise, eating our greens and ensuring that we have enough good-quality sleep. Wellness is also about paying attention to all the other things that constitute well-being: it's considering the toxins we're being exposed to every day.
02/02/2015 05:52 EST
I think a lot about happiness, health and success, and I work with people every day so that they can have more of all these things. One message I want to share with everyone is that the secret to greater health, happiness and success is not what you might expect. The secret to greater health, happiness and success is in opening your heart to others.
01/13/2015 05:14 EST
We live in the days of wayward celebrity youth. They're in and out of rehab, being booked for a DUI, or making videos that could double as soft core porn. These kids are not yet out of their teens, bu...
03/13/2014 11:26 EDT
While we might think that the dangers we face come in the form of nuclear proliferation, rampant war-mongering, easy access to weapons, global warming and global financial collapse, we'd be wrong. While all the above are dangerous, to be sure, they're just symptoms of the real dangers we face. The real and growing dangers that immanently threaten our survival are tenfold.
04/22/2013 05:38 EDT
Everyone wants better sex, but many of us have the wrong idea about how to make it happen. A happy, fulfilling sex life is available to everyone. If we simply pay attention, we'll discover the sexual satisfaction that we've never previously experienced. Here are the seven secrets to achieving a spectacular sex life.
03/07/2013 05:41 EST
When I observe how people engage in romantic relationships, it seems that they do this in one of two ways: either from the perspective of a child or from that of an adult. People who pursue love from an adult perspective are looking for companionship, romance, a life partner. People who approach love from a child-like perspective, however, have a very different agenda
12/23/2012 11:34 EST
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