It's that time of year again. The kids are going back to school, Target is abuzz with harried moms, the beaches are emptying, I'm still not tan and shit's about to get real on Pinterest:
I went to Ocean State Job Lot and bought my daughter's school supplies. After washing last year's perfectly good bag, I packed it very neatly, wrote her a little 'good luck' note and felt like a mom rock star. Then this bitch went and did this:
And then her asshole mom friend did this:
Sweet baby Jesus in the sky, why do people have to be so crafty?
I had a glass of wine, felt inspired and worked on this little project. Evidently, you're not supposed to use a blow torch to melt the Crayons:
Raise your hand if your kids' last three years of school pictures are somewhere in the bottom of your "To Do" file. #mustmailtorelativesbeforecollege.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get yourself on a federal watch list.
I'm just glad that my kids' socks match and that I don't look like Amanda Bynes at the bus stop. (<---Lie. I always look like Amanda Bynes at the bus stop.)
I'm not even sure what this is? A lemonade stand? For school shit?
I'm still trying to figure out which summer camp to send my kids to. And then this mom is all:
And then there are the moms that rush things:
Nothing says the most important meal of the day quite like a super crafty breakfast and a diorama of...the first day of school. This mom stayed up until four in the morning preparing this. I hate her:
And here is a baby in glasses laying on a book. Just cuz.
Here's to overdue library books, forgotten show-and-tell days, last-minute book reports and a whole lot of self forgiveness.
Have a great year! Don't forget to wear pants to the bus stop.
This blog was originally posted on Bitchin Sisters.