"I am not good enough."
"Nobody understands me."
"I am not smart enough."
"I am stupid."
"I am not pretty enough."
"I don't want to be in school. I'm so upset."
It all starts there. There are little seeds planted into all of our minds, at an early age, that can make us wonder, "What would the world be without me?" Really, ask yourself this.
If you think ending the pain in your heart requires ending your life... I want you to push that thought away.
I am 18 years old, and I can relate to you. We all have our stories, our rivals, our struggles, our journey. Just like you, I've had times when I was just starting high school. They called us the "Minor Niners." I became very depressed. Getting out of bed was the hardest part.
Day after day I made excuses to stay in bed.
"Mom my stomach hurts."
"Mom, I have a cold."
"Mom, I have a fever."
(You know the trick where you put the thermometer under hot water, and when your parents come into your room, you say: "Look, I'm sick?" Well, that was my go-to until my mom stopped believing it. Even then l continued to come up with one excuse after another because the pain in my own heart was so bad.)
Dark thoughts. Negative feelings. Heavy chest. Zero energy. Depression, it's called?
I came SO close to ending my life. I was sitting in the bathtub when I thought "The world may be better without me."
You feel disconnected and unsure of your purpose here, and let me tell you I felt the exact same thing.
But in that moment my life changed. I came to the realization that I wanted to live the best life ever. Almost like a thought came through: "BRITTANY. There is so much more to life." I wanted to come out and be able to say I've lived the best life.
I didn't understand why Bob (fake name) didn't like me back. I didn't understand why my friends would laugh at me, and how I couldn't be myself around most of my peers. I didn't feel happy or excited for the next day. Slowly, I wasn't able to form the fake smile any longer.
I get your feelings. You feel so unimportant. Like nothing you do is right. You feel like you're judged for something you can't change. You feel like you can't trust anyone, even your parents of all people. You are told you're too young to make a difference, and I disagree completely!
If you think ending the pain in your heart requires ending your life, because it seems easier, I want you to push that thought away.
Think about people you will leave behind. The life you could had lived.
You think you "need" to end it. You feel misunderstood. You feel disconnected and unsure of your purpose here, and let me tell you I felt the exact same thing. I say this in my book: "Your community, dressed in black, will gather. They'll have tears running down their faces and they'll be wondering what they could have done differently to save you."
So, let me tell you again, do you think nobody will be affected? Life wants you to continue to ride the challenges and the world needs your beautiful presence. Don't end it, it won't do anything good, remove that thought completely and continue to live this life. It's your time to shine.
You are more then welcome to check my book out or contact me if ever needing advice or a friend to vent to. Read my book, I Am Not Your Average Teen, for more about my journey.
You may think you can't do it, but I know you can!
Frame Of Mind is a new series inspired by The Maddie Project that focuses on teens and mental health. The series will aim to raise awareness and spark a conversation by speaking directly to teens who are going through a tough time, as well as their families, teachers and community leaders. We want to ensure that teens who are struggling with mental illness get the help, support and compassion they need. If you would like to contribute a blog to this series, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
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- Asking For Help Is The Most Important Step