02/28/2012 04:54 EST | Updated 04/29/2012 05:12 EDT

<i>Modern Family</i>: Are You a Claire or a Gloria?


As my 16-year-old daughter, the Demon Child, is growing and maturing, her perception of those around her is also growing and maturing. This past weekend she had an epiphany. After watching back to back episodes of Modern Family, she announced, "Mom, you are SO much like the mom on Modern Family -- in fact, you are exactly the same!"

Surprisingly enough the Demon Child wasn't referring to the sexy bombshell Gloria, but rather Claire Dunphy, the mom of three. Okay that's not too bad - Claire is a slim, blond, attractive, young-looking mom. She's smart and funny. She's the glue that holds the three families together.

But that wasn't what the Demon Child was focusing on. Nope, she was thinking:

  • Annoying
  • Bossy
  • Overprotective
  • Uptight
  • Perfectionist

Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion... even if it's WRONG!

So, in an attempt to demonstrate the error of her ways, I suggested we watch the show together; it was the one where Claire gets together with Valerie, her old office buddy (played so well by Minnie Driver). At first, Claire assumes that Valerie is jealous of her life as stay-at-home mom with wonderful children, amazing husband and beautiful home. Of course it turns out instead that Valerie has excelled in her career, has an incredible life (four lovers in various cities around the world) and, if anything, is a bit sorry for Claire.

Wow, this was kind of close to home -- I could definitely relate to Claire since I also stopped working in the corporate world about 10 years ago to look after my kids.

Claire takes Valerie home and of course everything that could go wrong, does; her eldest is making out in the hall with her boyfriend, the youngest is undressed in the kitchen drinking Jagermeister, the middle is chasing a rat around the kitchen and the husband is stuck in the neighbour's port-a-pottie outside, wearing a fake mustache.

Hhmmm... this was WAY too close for comfort. I could totally see myself acting like Claire, with my own family acting equally crazy. In fact, my family generally makes the Dunphys look like angels! And my puppy has brought me rats before.

Well, I've decided to look on the bright side. Apparently the Obamas like to watch this show with their kids, so if it's good enough for them, then...

Besides, I just don't think I'm anywhere near as annoying or bossy or overprotective or uptight as Claire. Just because I want what's best for them and discuss contentious issues with them until they see the light (mine), it doesn't mean I don't respect their points of view. Just because I freak out when I don't hear from them 15 minutes after sending a text message, that doesn't mean I'm over-protective. Nope, I just want to make sure they don't get kidnapped and/or sold into white slavery. And just 'cause they think an 11 p.m. curfew is annoying, hey, I could change it to 9 p.m.! As for being a perfectionist -- that was so last year. No matter what my kids say. Really!

What about you? Would your kids classify you as Claire or Gloria?