06/29/2016 12:30 EDT | Updated 06/29/2016 12:59 EDT

Telltale Signs Your Man Is Dating An Insecure Woman

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African American woman holding hand to her head

Ever get this nagging feeling that your man is pulling away from you, but you don't know why? For instance, your man tells you he loves you, and he says it often, and still no matter what he says or does you believe he's up to no good when he's not around you.

Your mind begins to create vivid images about him spending time with another woman because somewhere deep down inside you don't feel worthy or good enough for him. If this is something you're experiencing in your relationship, then your man is dating an insecure woman.

Feeling insecure with oneself or even within your relationship is normal, up to a point. For instance, sometimes bouts of insecurities surface when we see someone drive by in the dream car that we can't afford because money's been tight. Or perhaps we start to feel nervous when we see a woman in great shape sashay past us because we haven't been hitting the gym or staying on top of that diet like we used to.

These are both instances of normal insecurities. On the other hand when we begin to see problems in our relationships or we create conflict where there is none, that's when our insecurities are a problem.

When you truly love someone you recognize that their choosing to be with you is a choice.

You might be wondering if your insecurities are causing a rift in your relationship, and if so, what you can you do about it. Well, the first thing you can do is identify what the telltale signs are of an insecure woman. There are many, but in this article I will address the top five:

1) Extreme Jealousy

A little jealousy is normal, sometimes even flattering. However, when jealousy leads you to break into his cell phone, his Facebook account or email, that's a major insecurity problem.

2) Constant Need For Validation

Everyone in a relationship wants an occasional sign or reassurance that the person they are with loves them or is still attracted to them, but when you are constantly asking him to reassure you that he loves you or thinks you're pretty, that's a major insecurity problem.

3) Morphing Your Life Into His Life

Since most women who are insecure aren't happy with their own lives, they will seek to morph their life into their partner's life.

It's perfectly normal for a couple to want to spend time together and even take an interest in what the other is doing. However, when the time you're spending is at the risk of forsaking your own life and your own self-interest -- and even worse your partners personal interest -- that's a major insecurity problem.

4) Over Controlling

The only person we have any control over in a relationship is ourselves (learn more about personal boundaries). That means you do what is necessary for you to feel good about you, and your man does what is necessary or feels good for him. Now, this doesn't mean you just do what you want, and he does what he wants without care or concern for the other. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that in order for a relationship to work there has to be a mutual love and respect for the other.

When you truly love someone you recognize that their choosing to be with you is a choice. Since he is choosing to be with you, then it is also your choice to be with him. That means if you don't trust him, if you have worries, fears or doubts about his loyalty to you and your relationship, then you too have the choice to leave or stay.

Don't try to control him or manipulate him into doing what you want him to do or try to make him live the life you've always dreamed of just so you can feel safe and secure. Let him make his own decisions! And if he chooses to leave or to be with someone else, let him go, because nothing you do is going to make him stay if he doesn't want to be there. In the event you don't let him go and try to manipulate him to stay, that is a major insecurity problem.

5) Comparing Yourself to Others

Most of us want to feel better, do better and be better. We work hard to make and save more money. We buy nice clothes, so we can look and feel good, and we go to the gym and workout so we can be healthy and stay in fit. The problem occurs when nothing we do for ourselves feels good enough because we're constantly comparing everything we do to what others are doing.

For instance, you find out that your ex of seven years finally met and married the love of his life. And instead of being happy for him or not thinking of him at all for that matter, you start pressuring the man your in a relationship with to marry you -- that's a major insecurity problem.

To conclude, everyone goes through bouts of insecurities, especially women. And for women sometimes the pressure is worse because we have the media berating us with images of their standard of beauty, health and relationships. But we have to remember to be smarter, and we have to learn that no one can take away or steal our joy or our happiness because our joy and happiness is our own. We choose it! And, if we want to feel safe and secure, we can choose that, too.

If after you finish reading this article you have a clearer idea of your insecurities and you're ready to take the next step to cure what's complicating your relationship, CLICK HERE.

Collette Gee is a Relationship Specialist, Coach and Matchmaker that helps men and women love harmoniously and successfully. Click To Learn more about Collette Gee.

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