05/11/2016 01:53 EDT | Updated 05/12/2017 05:12 EDT

Master The Art Of The Insult With Donald Trump's New Book

Spencer Platt via Getty Images
NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 03: Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at a news conference before a public signing for his new book 'Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again,' at the Trump Tower Atrium on November 3, 2015 in New York City. According to a new poll, Ben Carson, the retired neurosurgeon, has pulled ahead of Trump with 29% of Republican primary voters. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

Many people are familiar with Donald Trump's book The Art of the Deal. Few if any, however, are aware of his soon-to-be-released opus The Art of the Insult. A brief review of this hard-to-obtain work helps to explain The Donald's performance in the current Republican campaign.

Mr. Trump reveals for the first time the secrets behind his nascent political success, beginning with what he calls the full-frontal personal attack. As he demonstrates, employing political methods such as building an electoral resume and developing extensive policy positions is part of an old, outdated pre-digital approach.

Trump dissects his winning technique which he summarizes in chapter one as "Attack, attack, attack!" Whatever question or issue is raised, ignore the subject matter and attack the person. Rather than wasting time acquiring detailed knowledge of the issues, Trump assures the reader that all one needs is the carefully honed ability to give and take offence.

Instead of dealing with substantive issues, just keep hurling insults until the questioner gives up.

The Donald succinctly covers all the insult skills any candidate needs to override his opponents. From innuendo, to mockery, to blatant character assassination, this volume covers the entire gamut of political invective. You'll learn to snub, slight and scorn without crossing that all-important line into slander and libel.

Tired of answering complicated policy questions? Fed up with being confronted with past flip-flops? Mr. Trump shows you how to use the powerful tool of deflection. Instead of dealing with substantive issues, just keep hurling insults until the questioner gives up.

And if that doesn't work, he recommends using his favorite maneuver, what he calls the art of insult escalation. For example, start with "loser" and if that doesn't work, ratchet it up to "big loser," then "huge loser," and so on.

A later chapter covers the useful tactic of deniability. You'll learn to always leave enough wiggle room in your insults to claim that you meant something other than what you obviously did.

Thanks to Mr. Trump's decades of insult experience, he's able to train the reader in all manner of ad hominem attacks including the three Os: offence, obloquy and opprobrium. And he doesn't forget your female opponents. For them, he provides a series of ad feminem attacks, including the latest in ambiguous hormonal jabs.

Trump's upcoming book reportedly even contains an appendix with all manner of helpful, all-purpose insults. From "dummy," to "moron," to "lightweight," you'll be well armed for any upcoming debate.

It's too late this year for the other Republican candidates, but anyone looking to win the 2020 nomination might want to plunk down $29.95 to acquire their own copy of The Art of the Insult and learn how to match the master jibe for jibe. At the same time, they might want to sign on to iTunes and purchase his new instructional video Political Insults for Dummies.

If you've got your eye on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, pre-order Donald Trump's book and start mastering the art of the insult now. Otherwise you risk being a total loser.

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