04/26/2016 04:16 EDT | Updated 04/27/2017 05:12 EDT

6 Reasons Not To Elect Donald Trump

Bloomberg via Getty Images
An attendee wears a hat in support of Donald Trump, president and chief executive of Trump Organization Inc. and 2016 Republican presidential candidate, not pictured, during a campaign rally at the Port Columbus International Airport in Columbus, Ohio, U.S., on Tuesday, March 1, 2016. State officials were reporting strong turnout for Super Tuesday balloting, the closest thing yet to a national referendum on Trump, the brash New York billionaire who has thrown out the traditional rules of campaigning. Photographer: Ty Wright/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Hey, American voter.

As the primary season comes to an end, it's time to get serious about this presidential nominating thing. Sure, it's been a real laugh pretending that Donald Trump will be the next president, but there are plenty of reasons you shouldn't allow that to happen and here are just a few:

Lost combover time

Look at that hair. It's a marvel of hirsute engineering and it certainly doesn't happen by accident. Conservatively speaking, I figure Trump's elaborate weave takes at least an hour a day of construction and maintenance. That's an hour a day that could instead be spent doing things presidential.

Trumping it up

He can't help himself. Wherever he is, Donald Trump has to leave his imprint. Kind of like a dog marking his territory, he has to put his name on companies, products and buildings, especially buildings. You may not mind, but I suspect most Americans won't be crazy about having a 16-foot neon Trump sign atop the White House.

Real estate flip-o-phile

A guy who has spent almost his entire life flipping properties to make a buck is not likely going to stop just because he's in the Oval Office. Best case scenario: Trump sells the White House to the Chinese and takes back a long-term lease. Worst case scenario: he turns it into a casino and sells it.

TV narcissism

The Donald likes having an audience and there's nothing he loves more than having a "yuge" one for his TV productions. That's why he's liable to turn his presidency into a four- or possibly eight-year reality show. Look for live broadcasts of cabinet meetings with President Trump turfing yet another cabinet member with his new trademarked phrase "You're resigned!"

Foreign policy wonkiness

You don't expect the next president to know the name of every single world leader by heart, but it would be nice if he knew the difference between Hezbollah and Hamas, or between the Quds Force and the Kurds. Telling us that he will know more than us about these matters within 24 hours of becoming president doesn't do much to reassure anyone, especially the Kurds.

Bellicose blustering

Donald Trump is going to crush ISIS, deport undocumented immigrants and ban Muslims from entering the U. S. He's going to make America strong again and tell China, Russia and India to take a hike. No telling where all this bellicose blustering will lead us but, even if it's an all-out nuclear war, President Trump, like Dr. Strangelove's General Buck Turgidson, would assure us: "I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops."

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