01/06/2012 01:37 EST | Updated 03/11/2012 05:12 EDT

Are Single/Divorced Moms Hiding Their Sex Lives?


What's really happening in the sex lives of divorced or single moms? Are they at home on Saturday nights watering their plants? Are they periodically dating, but adhering to a strict code of abstinence? Or are many moms choosing to date and take lovers -- perhaps until the next Mr. Right comes along (or not...)?

I admit that I did the latter: Post-divorce, I gave myself permission to explore myself, my sexuality and the dating trenches in ways I'd never imagined possible -- in satisfying and daring ways, too. The learning I experienced was immense; personal growth on every level. And replacing my self-effacing self-image of wife and mother roused a confidant, independent woman; one who could assert herself, make good choices and own the fiery side of herself.

But I also, very deliberately, kept my dating and sex life very quiet. A secret. One wrong set of ears and I knew I'd be headline news among moms at the school playground, for when it comes to sex and single motherhood, judgements can ring extra loud and venomously.

I know I'm not alone in my sexual exploration and awakenings -- friends and clients have shared with me some of their own. And contrary to what many may like to believe, these women aren't "acting up," riddled with insecurity, or simply "sluts." They are women of different ages with some life experience behind them; women who have realized that their sexuality is ultimately theirs to explore, own and take responsibility for; women who are devoted mothers and caring friends; everyday women who may even live on your street.

So what really is happening in the sex lives of divorced or single moms? Could this group of women, whom society likes to think of as chaste, be amidst a quiet sexual revolution or far from it?

You tell me.