The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
i'm whichever meyers briggs type loses interest in finishing the test halfway
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) May 1, 2019
I’ve been forcing myself to not be petty all day and it has given me quite the headache.
— roxane gay (@rgay) May 1, 2019
What I'm thinking while packing my lunch in the morning: "Today I'm going to eat healthy."
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 30, 2019
What I'm thinking while eating my lunch in the afternoon: I shouldn't be allowed to make big decisions before 7 am.
FACT: NOT NOBODY is waiting for your response on LinkedIn
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 30, 2019
Passed a stroller and the baby inside was wearing sunglasses and jabbering on a cell phone with such confidence I’m sure she closed the deal
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) April 27, 2019
My internal organs when I wear high waisted jeans. pic.twitter.com/Ccps8ZrNGn
— Jen Lap (@jenlapcomedy) May 1, 2019
The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I'm 80
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 30, 2019
scrubs dogs half of my coat
— kim monte (@KimmyMonte) May 3, 2019
🤜👊🤛
hanging out the passenger side
of your best friend’s ride
Fingers crossed that everyone in Winterfell finds a way to solve all their problems by using CBD.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 29, 2019
Wherever all my Tupperware lids are, I truly hope that they are happy
— Samantha 🇨🇦 (@ItsSamG) May 1, 2019
No one, not even my most powerful haters, can stop me after my Midwestern-inspired bustier top I ordered off an Australian website arrives in 3-21 business days
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) April 30, 2019
*shows up 45 minutes late for my interview to be a cable installer*
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 1, 2019
Interviewer: “You’re hired.”
Owned by my boarding pass pic.twitter.com/3RWiWogPWL
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) May 3, 2019
You can just give us the recipe, bloggers. We don't need a 1,000 word dissertation about everything you've done in your life up until the point you put this food in the oven.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 1, 2019
[dipping my feather quill into the inkwell and adjusting my spectacles] dearest diary, it seems the day is different but the shit remaineth the same
— kaci sue who (@kacisuewho) April 30, 2019
me:
— ziwe (@ziwe) April 29, 2019
bank account: u broke bitch lol
every shirt Anthony Michael Hall wears in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS looks like something I would willingly spend $65 on from Madewell pic.twitter.com/WCn95VNyqe
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) May 2, 2019
Welp it’s that time of the night again where I rehearse confrontations I’ll never have and eat a cold pop tart
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) April 30, 2019
i do one thing a day that scares me. i wake up
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) May 1, 2019
my life hasn’t been right since i was 14 and watched a jenna marbles video telling me to wear two bras to make my boobs look bigger
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) May 2, 2019
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.