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02/27/2018 15:41 EST | Updated 02/27/2018 15:41 EST

3 Things You Should Ask Your Bridesmaids For Help With (And 4 You Shouldn’t)

Your inner circle is here to support you for this special occasion, not take orders.

You adore your friends. It’s why you asked them to stand by your side in the first place. But being the center of a bridal party can turn some brides mad with power, which in turn might tarnish a perfectly good friendship. You obviously want to avoid this. So here are three requests that are totally acceptable to ask of your bridesmaids, and four that could make things, well, complicated.

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Yes: Planning Your Bachelorette Or Shower (Not Both)

It’s no small feat to put together a jam-packed weekend itinerary for the gals or an afternoon lunch serving adorable tea sandwiches. But if your friends agreed to be bridesmaids, it’s totally acceptable to make this big ask. Just make sure to set boundaries for prices and expectations. (And do not ask your bridesmaids to come up with the funds or time to plan both. Pick one.)

Yes: Getting Ready Day-Of

From hair and makeup to placing the veil and bustling your dress, it’s not only fun to include your best friends and family in this part of your wedding day, but it’s kind of necessary. (You could not bustle that dress yourself, girl.) Plus, having your favorite people around you before you walk down the aisle is definitely the tonic for pre-wedding nerves.

Yes: Helping You Go To The Bathroom In Your Dress

If you’re wearing a traditional wedding gown, chances are you will absolutely need help going pee (hey, we come speaking truth). Ask one or two of your bridesmaids to be on bathroom duty (aka hold your dress up after you’ve had a couple glasses of Champs).

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No: Communicating With Your Family (Or Soon-To-Be Family)

So you’re not really jiving with your future sister-in-law (she made a comment about the lilac dresses). Asking a friend to play liaison instead of getting in touch yourself is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. This is family. Your family. So don’t put someone who has no business getting involved in the middle of things. It puts your friend and family in a really awkward place.

No: Picking Big Decisions

Whether you’re choosing between bands, entrées or wedding dresses, these are choices that should be yours (or your fiancé’s and families’). Even if you have the most outspoken bridesmaids, this is your wedding, not theirs. And if the chicken Marsala your maid of honor voted for winds up being a total bust, you don’t want to hold a grudge against her for weighing in.

No: Making a Toast

As much as you would love to hear your best friend wax poetic about your friendship and your love story, public speaking (yes, even in front of family and friends) gives lots of people the cold sweats. Demanding a speech could mean ruining your friends’ nights over the anxiety of it all. Instead, put out the option to give a toast, but don’t make it mandatory.

No: Answering Your 24/7 Calls

They’re bridesmaids, not ER doctors on call — well, Samantha actually is, but you get the idea. These are your closest friends and family; don’t treat them like hired help. Your inner circle is here to support you for this special occasion, not take orders.

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