PERSONAL
08/19/2019 15:20 EDT | Updated 08/21/2019 09:47 EDT

This Canadian Faced Infertility By Finding Peace With Being ‘Barren’

She wants to change the way we talk about infertility and pregnancy loss.

Ariel Ng Bourbonnais was 33 years old when, eight weeks into her first pregnancy, she was told her embryo had no heartbeat, and that the pregnancy would end in a miscarriage.

It turned out she had low AMH: a condition characterized by a low egg reserve

“I was really struggling to figure out who I was, and my feelings of self-worth as a woman,” Ng Bourbonnais told HuffPost Canada. For five years, after having a second miscarriage and continuing process her grief, Ng Bourbonnais would try to refocus on the external — getting her hair done, doing her makeup — to make herself feel better.

She decided to term herself a “barren badass,” consciously redefining what it meant, both to herself and to others, to be struggling with infertility. 

With this ethos, Ng Bourbonnais co-authored “Through, Not Around,” a collection of stories about infertility and pregnancy loss. She also co-founded a website called “The 16 Percent,” which creates a space where women can safely and comfortably discuss their personal experiences with infertility and pregnancy loss.

“I feel that, if you have a baby or not, you will eventually find some sort of peace with your situation, Ng Bourbonnais said. 

Watch the video above to hear more from Ariel about her infertility experience.