Wednesday, Sept. 2 marks the 56th birthday of Keanu Charles Reeves, Canadian actor and beloved icon born in 1964. And in this horrid year in particular, we’re very glad he’s here.
Because Reeves keeps it pretty private, we don’t know how he’s celebrating, although we do know that he’s apparently in Berlin shooting the new “Matrix” movie. His most recent release, “Bill and Ted Face the Music,” did pretty well for a pandemic release, so that likely helps.
While we can’t know for sure how he spends his birthdays, we do know his idea of a perfect day, which he explained in a somewhat bizarre German interview for his 2013 sci-fi samurai movie “47 Ronin.” It sounds both lovely and very tiring.
Watch the whole interview if you want to see Reeves speak German and teach his interviewer a few Japanese phrases, but fast-forward to just a few seconds before the four-minute mark to see what his perfect day entails.
He seems pretty laid back: no giant parties or private plane trips. Just good food, chill hangs, a couple motorcycle rides, and a lot of sex.
“I love your life,” the interviewer can only explain at the end.
“I’m not saying I get that,” Reeves replies. “But I could hope for that!”
But in this Covid era, one must ask: Is Reeves’ perfect day pandemic-friendly? Let’s break it down.
- Morning sex — As long as you don’t have a lot of different partners, this should be fine!
- Great breakfast — Whether you order in or eat at home, a great breakfast should be safe
- Motorcycle ride — Sure!
- Swim — This is likely the trickiest part, as most community pools are still closed. If you have a private pool (which, let’s be honest, Keanu likely does) or if you’re swimming at a lake that isn’t too busy, you’re probably fine: according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there “is no evidence that the virus that causes COVID-19 can be spread to people through the water in pools, hot tubs, or water playgrounds.”
- Have more sex — Go for it.
- Eat some more — Go for it!
Watch: Keanu Reeves celebrates his 56th birthday in Berlin. Story continues after video.
- Hang out — While this is vague, it doesn’t sound particularly dangerous.
- Do some reading — Exceedingly safe!
- Go see a movie — You can do this, as long as you wear a mask
- Have more sex — Still fine!
- Go to the bar — Sit outside, and bring hand sanitizer with you.
- Have drinks with friends — Assuming this is the same outdoor bar, you should be OK, as long as you’re careful.
- Motorcycle ride — Again, this is COVID-safe, but depending how many drinks you had with friends, it’s potentially risky.
- Hang out at home — Easy! And very safe.
- Have more sex — Assuming everybody involved is up for it after such a long day, go right ahead.
If that all sounds like a little much for you, you can also consider visiting KeanuDay.com to get movie suggestions or download Reeves-centric Zoom backgrounds. The site launched back when excited fans thought that “John Wick 4” and “The Matrix 4″ would hit theatres on the same day in spring 2021, and seems to have re-calibrated now that the pandemic shifted both dates back to different days in spring 2022.
Whatever you up doing on Wednesday, make sure you remember to be excellent to each other.