ENTERTAINMENT
05/15/2019 12:27 EDT

Lamar Odom Wishes He 'Could Have Been More Of A Man' During Marriage To Khloe Kardashian

The former NBA player spoke about his infidelity and his cocaine addiction.

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian quickly went from reality star darlings to tabloid headlines over the course of their four year marriage and subsequent falling out. 

The former NBA player spoke about his relationship with the “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” star during an interview with People, published Wednesday. 

“I wish I could have been more of a man,” Odom said, while promoting his new memoir Darkness to Light. Throughout his marriage, Odom was unfaithful to Kardashian repeatedly, and he also hid his addiction to cocaine from her.

While the basketball player told People he was faithful to Kardashian at the beginning of their marriage, it didn’t last long. 

Denise Truscello via Getty Images
Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian in Las Vegas on Oct. 22, 2011.

“I could not handle the lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career and infidelity,” he wrote in his memoir. “Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression. … I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants or the coke out of my nose. Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I’d get defensive and Khloé would just drop it.” 

Odom also wrote about nearly dying after he was found unconscious in a Nevada brothel in October 2015. The former NBA player has previously said he suffered 12 strokes and two heart attacks and was in a coma for four days. But when he woke up, Khloe was there. 

“I remember waking up and her showing me pictures of my mother,” Odom, told People, calling her love “unconditional” as the two were in the process of divorcing at the time. “I was surprised on how quick she was to show her devotion to me.” 

Jamie McCarthy via Getty Images
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom attend Kanye West Yeezy Season 3 on Feb. 11, 2016 in New York City

Despite all that Odom and Kardashian have been through, he says that he hopes the two “can be friends.” 

“I miss the family. And I hope we can all be reacquainted one day,” he said. 

As of right now, Kardashian likely has her hands full with her daughter, True, whom she shares with former boyfriend, NBA player Tristan Thompson.

The two split for good earlier this year after Thompson reportedly cheated with Kardashian family friend Jordyn Woods in February, after previously being unfaithful to Kardashian. Though they are no longer together, the reality star said that it’ll never affect the relationship True has with her father. 

“He is a good dad to her,” Kardashian said in response to a fan on Twitter in March. “My sweet and special baby True will NEVER be put in the middle of him and I. I can promise that.”