There is perhaps nothing more fear-inducing for parents than receiving the dreaded “LICE” note from their kid’s school.
These notorious outbreaks have the power to make even the most level-headed parents want to burn all of their belongings and shave every family member’s head. Many moms and dads vent about their head lice anxieties on Twitter, and some manage to find humor in the bleakness.
We’ve rounded up 47 tweets about the nightmare that is a lice outbreak. Try not to scratch your head while reading.
Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) December 31, 2014
One daughter has lice.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2016
While my kids slept, I filled 15 garbage bags with stuffed animals and hid them in the attic
Your move, the Grinch.
Lice are proof that God doesn't think having small children is it's own punishment.— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 9, 2014
*standing in front of smoldering remains of my house*— JuneBug (@jenyb4) January 13, 2016
Fireman: what happened, ma'am?
Me: there's a head lice outbreak at my kid's school.
Parenting tip: If your kid ever gets lice, make sure you send them to the local orphanage with the best YELP reviews.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 30, 2015
When considering the price of fighting a case of child head lice, don't forget to factor in the cost of the wine you need to get through it.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 1, 2016
My daughter is so generous. She shared her head lice with me so now we can both be alienated by our family.— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) June 6, 2016
Lice? Lice lice.— Sarah del Rio (@est1975blog) September 14, 2016
Lice lice lice?
- what English sounds like after I get a note from the school saying there's lice in the class
I know I've taught my daughter well bc I overheard her saying, "My Barbie can't share her crown with you because she doesn't want lice."— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 23, 2015
Parenting tip: Never have kids. They might get lice.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 9, 2017
It only took my wife mentioning "lice" once for this whole Burger King play place to clear out.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 25, 2015
Four out of five moms agree that lice will give you a nervous breakdown. And even the fifth mom is just pretending to hold it together.— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 26, 2016
One of my son's T-ball teammates has lice & the kids have been sharing helmets. Good news is we're changing team name to The Bad News Hairs.— Dude of the House (@DudeOfTheHouse) April 23, 2015
2am and I'm sneaking around my house with a headlamp on giving my sleeping children lice checks. You know just another normal Sat morning.— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) February 1, 2014
Relationship status: Bribing my husband with sexual favors in exchange for applying Anna's final lice treatment.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) November 1, 2014
The family that removes lice together, stays together. Mostly because no one else wants them.— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) September 26, 2015
Is it normal for a grown man to cry after getting the first head lice awareness letter from school?— Dad or Alive (@dad_or_alive) January 13, 2016
Calling a class Christmas party a "holiday fair" is wrong. We're too easily offended to call it what it REALLY is: Lice Roulette with Punch.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 22, 2015
Sorry I started singing "lice lice baby" when you told me about your kid's nits but come on, that's fuckin funny.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 18, 2017
Lice really prefer clean hair. --what I tell myself every night when I let my kids skip washing their hair.— Resist! SWT (@SWilderTaylor) September 19, 2015
Just when you think 2016 couldn't get any worse, the preschool sends out a lice warning.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 8, 2016
*dives head first into the dumpster fire*
In over 11 years of parenthood we've never yet had lice.— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 10, 2017
*knocks on wood, throws salt over shoulder, offers firstborn to lice gods*
My type A, clean freak, hypochondriac wife just found lice in our daughter's hair so now I must start a new life.— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 20, 2016
None of the pregnancy books warn you how much of the next 15 years you'll waste worrying that you have lice or a possible stomach bug.— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) April 27, 2016
Taking your kid to get a haircut at a children's barbershop is like using a dirty needle, except lice is 100 times worse than hepatitis.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 3, 2016
I never thought I could love dandruff as much as I do each and every time it isn't lice.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) April 22, 2013
Gotta love the lice letter from school... in other news now I can't stop itching my head.— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) November 11, 2016
In an ideal world chlorine would kill lice, amirite— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) September 4, 2016
Me: I need a break from the election. It would be nice to focus on something else.— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) October 14, 2016
Life: Your preschool has lice!
"Biggest asshole" is quite an insult. Now consider lice, the smallest assholes. Those smallest assholes are the biggest assholes I know.— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) July 15, 2015
THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE! REPEAT: THERE IS HEAD LICE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE!— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 11, 2014
Oh just scrolling through a story on super-strains of lice with one hand and shaving all of our family's hair off with the other.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) August 18, 2015
There really needs to be a super-sympathetic "I'm sorry your kid has lice." emoji. Someone? Please?— Julie Maida (@NextLifeNOKids) February 26, 2015
Introvert Pro Tip:— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 20, 2016
You'd be amazed at how many commitments you can get out of for the week when you get lice from your kids.
Boys, I will always be there for you...that is unless you have lice. Then it's feed yourself and find your own damn way to school.— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 22, 2013
Nightmares as a child: monsters— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 4, 2015
Nightmares as a parent: lice
... And it's official: Lice outbreak at school. Homeschoolers, you're looking smarter every damn year.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 11, 2013
One thing they don't tell you before you become a parent is just how much you will learn about lice. I have a Ph. Delouse.— Shawn (@BackpackingDad) June 22, 2013
So I put the lice repel stuff in the kids' hair. The only problem is *I* don't want to be around them either, now.— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) December 13, 2011
School sent a note home with my 5yo that someone had lice in his class. In unrelated news I broke out in hives & burned all our belongings.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 5, 2013
I don't know why my place isn't moving on air bnb when the description repeatedly emphasizes that it's lice-free.— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) January 12, 2015
Mice outbreak at my school! Wait, hold on, typo. Lice outbreak at my school! Lice. Actually wishing now it was mice.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 16, 2013
My kid was attacked by lice. The resulting casualties include hundreds of dead bugs, one confiscated Santa hat & four murdered friendships.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 19, 2012
Nothing like a "Confirmed Case of Head Lice At School" email to make me wish I'd gotten a dog instead.— Karri-Leigh (@karri_leigh) January 18, 2016
It's hat day at school. I'll expect the lice out break letters in about 3 days.— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) September 29, 2014
Every time my head itches I think, "well this is it, this is how I die" bc if the lice have finally come for me I'm lighting myself on fire.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 16, 2016