The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
I love giving people advice my therapist gave me in the past that I absolutely did not listen to myself
— muna (@Muna_Mire) April 15, 2019
not once in my life have i “brought something to the table”
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 17, 2019
Me: ☹️
— Malia Mills (@malia_mills) April 8, 2019
Shania Twain: Lets go girls
Me: 🤠
People hoping to save Earth for the children have not yet met the children 100 feet behind me who are fucking furious their parents brought them on a hike.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 14, 2019
about me: pic.twitter.com/wNYmS3JZAY
— nadirah (@hinadirah) April 19, 2019
Him: Keto has really helped me get my life on track.
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) April 16, 2019
Me: *eating Mac and cheese out of a bread bowl* I also am alive
I will like every picture of a baby on my timeline and that’s just the type of bitch I am
— ziwe (@ziwe) April 14, 2019
[Giving my description of the car that side-swiped me] “It was black, which I like, but not a kind of car I’d buy.”
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) April 14, 2019
Me walking into one of those places that charges $24 for grilled cheese. pic.twitter.com/k1WxGxa6Yz
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 15, 2019
A new boxing place opened a few blocks from my apartment so I'm excited to try it for a week, make that my entire identity, and then never go again
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) April 15, 2019
hey welcome to dinner at any new york restaurant that describes itself as 'new american'. it's a burger with shoestring fries and it's $32. dark in here!!
— Kelly Weill (@KELLYWEILL) April 13, 2019
a teenage girl at a concert told me i was really pretty last night i have become a Cool Older Girl ™ and no one can touch me
— kelly (@kelllicopter) April 13, 2019
yes the rumors are true — if i dont feel like a joke i made over text gets enough attention i WILL add a haha react. thanks - management
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) April 16, 2019
It doesn't take much to make me happy. Six meals a day. Ten hours of sleep. A pair of yoga pants, complete solitude, and no social obligations whatsoever.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 17, 2019
Good news, online retailers! I feel bad and bored!
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) April 18, 2019
***hears loud, shitty neighbors being loud again***
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) April 17, 2019
***gets mad***
***stomps downstairs***
***realizes they're watching Beyonce documentary***
***sees them in a whole new light***
***becomes able to relate to them***
***likes them a little bit bit more***
Um they sell these in packs of 10 pic.twitter.com/lG27AISLNV
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 17, 2019
It’s crazy that if it were 1950 I’d have a husband and a lobotomy already
— Uma Bloo (@umabloo) April 14, 2019
Insane thing about seeing someone driving without a shirt is that they know AT MINIMUM two locations where they’re comfortable without one
— Naomi Spungen (@freelancebass) April 16, 2019
I'm never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I'm going to use them at some point.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) April 16, 2019
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