The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
going to rock bottom do you guys need anything
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) April 22, 2019
You don't need committees to solve things. Just find two women who are in a real mood about some shit and send them on an evening fitness walk.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 25, 2019
A lunchable is a charcuterie plate
— Kai Davis (@KaiDavisPoet) April 24, 2019
At my funeral, a projection screen will drop from the ceiling. The face of Sophie Turner, her hair wrapped in a towel, a glass of red wine in her hand. Audio turns on.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) April 22, 2019
BRING IT ON truly is one of the great films about intellectual property of our time
— Alissa Wilkinson (@alissamarie) April 23, 2019
Today, I see AVENGERS: ENDGAME, and -- no spoilers -- I just don't believe Thanos can run all those tests on a tiny drop of blood.
— Linda Holmes (@lindaholmes) April 23, 2019
Just saw a quote that said “you did not wake up today to be mediocre” and it’s like ummm yes I did it’s a tuesday
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) April 23, 2019
Happy Shakespeare Day. My favourite of his works is 10 Things I Hate About You.
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) April 23, 2019
I don’t know if people are aware of this but you don’t have to go to med school to become a doctor you can just rewatch all of grey’s anatomy a few times on Hulu
— Caroline Moss (@CarolineMoss) April 22, 2019
But is anyone really confident with the way they say "Worcestershire sauce"?
— EllieMay (@lovelylaineybug) April 23, 2019
if you don’t think that cats have two hands and two feet then you need to grow up. they have arms at the top and legs at the bottom. you’re being childish if you don’t agree
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) April 24, 2019
good morning to everyone but especially the woman at 7-eleven who kept saying “just a splash” as she dumped creamer after creamer in her coffee
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) April 25, 2019
I always feel so embarrassed when celebrities and artists take to social media to air petty grievances about their critics, like do they not have a group text
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) April 25, 2019
My five year old neighbour is out in her garden banging on bin lids singing IT’S EASTER TODAY and I LOVE CHOCOLATE AND CHICKEN and it feels a lot like my interior monologue has taken human form and moved in next door
— Katie Lowe (@fatgirlphd) April 21, 2019
your postmates has arrived pic.twitter.com/Ps4HKNZYwX
— ziwe (@ziwe) April 22, 2019
Age 17: I can't wait to travel the world!
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 22, 2019
Age 37: Feeling kind of adventurous. Might go to the "good" grocery store 10 miles away.
if eyes are the windows to the soul, then as a socially anxious person, i must politely ask that more of you invest in curtains
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 25, 2019
Bourne Identity Sequel Ideas:
— Ricki Tarr (@ShootyDoody) April 23, 2019
Bourne Identity 6: Bourne To Be Wild
Bourne Identity 7: Bourne Free
Bourne Identity 8: Bourne To Be Alive
Bourne Identity 9: Bourne To Run
Look all I’m saying is there’s no way we’re going to get pockets in every dress with a male president.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 25, 2019
I can buy a lobster from grocery store, name him Optimus pinch and make a bathtub ecosystem for him to live in and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) April 23, 2019
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