The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
me: and that’s why we had no choice but to stan
— Andrea Long Chu (@theorygurl) August 20, 2019
grandkid: wow... but what if you didn’t want to stan? could you just not?
me (gravely): no. we had to
being an adult is basically just lemon water and disappointment.
— my name is no. (@om_eye_goodness) August 19, 2019
Sometimes, I want to pronounce pirates like pyr-ahh-tees to rhyme with Pilates.
— roxane gay (@rgay) August 18, 2019
Me: I'll just do it this weekend.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 18, 2019
Also me: It's the weekend. I should relax. I'll just do it next week.
2 guys who ghosted me keep showing in "Friends u may know" I'm actually impressed at FB's level of petty.
— Luwanda (@LuwandaJenkins) August 17, 2019
please when the time comes leak my nudes and not my spotify most listened to playlist please
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) August 20, 2019
live and let live yes but if you make an instagram account for your baby and then write posts as though it’s the baby writing them you should have to go in prison for at least a little bit
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) August 22, 2019
[invention of wax museums]
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August 21, 2019
me: we fill a house full of famous people
exec: ok
me: give em dead, glassy stares
exec: intriguing
me: To give them the clammiest skin possible, make em from the stuff in our ears
exec: This keeps getting better & better
The fact that Head and Shoulders doesn't have a body wash called 'Knees and Toes' disappoints me.
— The Real Sassy (@TheRealSassy1) August 22, 2019
Try as they might, there was no escaping the Labor Day Mattress sale.
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) August 20, 2019
pic.twitter.com/9a9wDMQQGa
I’m “get unreasonably attached to something they sell at Trader Joe’s and freak out when it seems like they no longer sell it” years old
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) August 21, 2019
I think if I'm really good in this life, maybe I can get reincarnated as one of Lizzo's backup dancers.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) August 22, 2019
just heard a woman say “if i don’t get a drink immediately i will fight everyone in this airport” and you know what i support it
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) August 17, 2019
me at 16 screaming at my mom: i'll never be like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) August 20, 2019
me at 28 screaming at my husband: don't throw out the dahi container we can clean it and use it as tupperware!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream i should also be
— dewclaw (@whynowhy) August 22, 2019
“Are you mad at me?” - my Real Housewives intro
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 17, 2019
i need to turn safe search back on pic.twitter.com/jU1FzcNbTO
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) August 20, 2019
Just followed a stranger around for 3 blocks bc he was whistling the Robin Hood rooster’s song so well. Please rescue me when I inevitably, voluntarily join a cult someday
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 22, 2019
Me, whispering and teary-eyed after reading the "Enjoy!" note at the end of my frozen dinner instructions: "Thank you, friend."
— Jessica Kane (@jesskane31) August 19, 2019
The only thing a bar has ever cut me off from is karaoke.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) August 20, 2019
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.