The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
if you don’t have something nice to say, there’s a good chance you are thriving online
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 17, 2019
Me: hear me out— a food truck that sells crab related products called “Crab and Go”
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) June 17, 2019
Gordon Ramsey: why are you in my bathtub
I know a kindred spirit when I see one (someone sitting completely still on a weight machine and sincerely watching Pirates of the Caribbean on the gym tv)
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) June 15, 2019
Translated for non-millennials:
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) June 17, 2019
Total Fat = original
Sodium = oh my god pic.twitter.com/6XLe75p2ZE
It’s 4pm, and I’m at the Elks with my parents. I’ve had two crazy strong $3 cocktails, I’m the youngest person here and I swear to god, the club can’t even handle me right now.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) June 17, 2019
Me 10 years ago: What do I need a smartphone for? Waste of money.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 16, 2019
Me now: if this GPS goes out, I’ll be dead in the woods within a day.
me using the rosebud cheat to give my sims the life they deserve pic.twitter.com/X6vCiw4PKY
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) June 17, 2019
I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone.
— Jackie Bouvier🌈 (@jackiembouvier) June 20, 2019
There is no deceit more wretched, more despicable, than when you accidentally keep a friend's hair tie after they're like, "yeah you can use it just remind me to take it back because it's my only one."
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) June 18, 2019
I'm so illogical in my laziness that instead of going to the laundromat a part of me is like "what if I just hand wash my clothes"
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) June 18, 2019
respect dress pockets
— kim monte 🏳️🌈 (@KimmyMonte) June 19, 2019
🤝
things women deserve
Show me a prouder father. I’ll wait. pic.twitter.com/U91uVyZzMC
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) June 17, 2019
I have unintentionally discovered that it only takes 1 wrong turn and 3 bong rips to turn a quick evening dog walk into a 3 hour vision quest
— Sweatpants 🌈her 🔶 (@House_Feminist) June 18, 2019
What does "what do u do for fun" even mean lol. I read books and I watch TV and I get drunk with my friends where do we go from here
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) June 19, 2019
I feel like my expectations of adulthood would have be way lower if people had just been honest that acne was a rest-of-your-life thing and not exclusive to puberty
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) June 18, 2019
no one:
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 19, 2019
not a single person:
not a blessed soul:
not even you:
me: BEHHH-NNY! BEHHH-NNY! BENNY AND THE JEEEEEHHHHHTS!
The way me and your mom met? Oh, she saw a picture of me on Instagram and commented, “Who’s that zaddy” then the two eyes emojis fifteen times
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) June 16, 2019
millennials don’t own homes because this quiznos commercial put a hex on us as children pic.twitter.com/Cmg6QcyYHW
— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) June 17, 2019
showing my personality even though there’s 2 numbers on the group text I don’t recognize
— aubrey (@aubreybell) June 19, 2019
One day I’ll remember the zip code of one of the ten apartments I lived in when I was 20, and I will redeem my 100,000 Walgreens points
— Chelsea Devantez (@chelseadevantez) June 19, 2019
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