The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
beyond thrilled to announce that i am going to bed!!!
— kelly (@kelllicopter) April 3, 2019
as a older sister, i can confirm we are the backbone of society and deserve financial compensation.
— 𝙈𝙪𝙣𝙖 (@themunalisa_) April 1, 2019
there's a Backstreet Boy with a son old enough to also be a Backstreet Boy so i guess it's time i start using an eye serum
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 3, 2019
The only public proposal I would ever accept is a re-enactment of the bleacher serenade in 10 Things I Hate About You, in this essay I will
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) March 31, 2019
I would like to think money won’t change me, but I found $5 in the pocket of my spring coat and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 2, 2019
i hope all my exes appreciate how easy it is to check up on me online, i put a lot of time and effort into oversharing every aspect of my life on here and i’d hate for it to go to waste
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) April 3, 2019
I have walked 7000 steps today which for me is 6900 too many
— roxane gay (@rgay) March 31, 2019
some of you don’t spend 30 percent of your life fantasizing about leaving it all to become a shepherd in the south of france and it really shows
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) April 3, 2019
live footage of me listening to the billy ray cyrus old town road remix for the ninth time this morning pic.twitter.com/MJ3QhiAwFp
— maya kosoff (@mekosoff) April 5, 2019
My body doesn't say "I'm sad" it says "I want Taco Bell" and hopes I read between the lines.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) April 4, 2019
Just threw my phone across the room bc it took more than 4 seconds for an image to load, how did we survive 1997
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 4, 2019
nordstrom rack: hey do you need some $30 jeans
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 3, 2019
me: nah i’m good
nordstrom rack: what if they also fit weird
me: i’m listening
When a man catcalls you not knowing of your powers pic.twitter.com/PsCRDS2xf7
— I really like the song Rainbow connection (@bakedbeanbitch) April 4, 2019
When I empty the dishwasher I do it really loudly, that way my entire family knows when I’m doing God’s work.
— Just J (@junejuly12) April 4, 2019
It was never definitively proven that the old man in Home Alone 1 was NOT a murderer, is all I'm saying, your honour
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) March 31, 2019
Judge: ma'am, this is traffic court, and you still have to pay your parking tickets
i am not making “bad life choices” i am taking “big artistic swings”
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) April 5, 2019
i stay not drinking enough water to maintain the possibility that “drink more water” will fix all my problems
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 2, 2019
Belle at the beginning of Beauty & the Beast: I want adventure. I hate doing the same shit every day. I hate this town.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 5, 2019
Belle at the end of Beauty & the Beast: I guess I’ll just get married and move to a different house in this same town.
currently sitting in a cafe and *writing
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) April 3, 2019
*texting everyone from my past
Looking at an Airbnb listing that says "the house is not haunted," which means it was 100% written by a ghost
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) April 1, 2019
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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