The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
I miss walking into a store and immediately realizing it’s too fancy but pretending to look around for a few minutes for the benefit of the salesperson who already hates me by default
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) September 21, 2020
idk why as a child i thought leeches would be a bigger problem for me
— kaytamine (@fleetwood__max) September 19, 2020
you come to me on this, the day of my daughter’s socially distanced zoom wedding
— maya kosoff (@mekosoff) September 22, 2020
blake shelton being named sexiest man alive was the beginning of the end
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) September 19, 2020
pet rent is the stupidest concept i’ve ever heard of how do you expect my cat to pay $50 a month she is unemployed
— kayla ♡ (@baz00per) September 22, 2020
Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.
— Dea Poirier (@deapoirierbooks) September 19, 2020
All the worst friend fights I ever have occur entirely in my head during the response delays in text conversations
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 22, 2020
me, pitching the Trojan Horse idea: ok we build a large horse out of wood and I sneak inside. I furnish the interior with rugs, a bed, maybe a Monet. real cozy. then I live there, rent-free, and you wheel me to places I wanna go
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) September 21, 2020
"can u multitask" yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time
— Emily💋 (@emilyspreads) September 21, 2020
wild email from my mom pic.twitter.com/DN0qT6he0N
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) September 22, 2020
Let me just slip into something a little more comfortable *slides mouthguard in sensually*
— Mom Sweats (@momjeansplease) September 20, 2020
I’m going to start my diet today and finish my diet today because I like to get things done.
— Stacey (@skittle624) September 21, 2020
Jesus being God's son is like... ok nepotism
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) September 22, 2020
I Feel like this is an appropriate reaction pic.twitter.com/PzsPvJRIed
— Natalie (@jbfan911) September 22, 2020
I love how babies look freaked out all the time. They’re the only ones being honest!
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) September 23, 2020
But does the embarrassing thing that happened twenty years ago think about *me* at 3 a.m.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) September 22, 2020
I am always reminded of how competitive I am whenever someone responds to my “love you” with “love you more.” WHAT bitch?! “MORE”?! I’ll show you more
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 21, 2020
i was in a sex store today and this girl walked in, looked at me and went “hello, where are the strap ons?” like girl i don’t work here but aisle 12
— ABOLISH THE POLICE (@hairyfairie) September 20, 2020
I fear I’ll go the rest of my life never knowing if a singular dried bay leaf does literally anything to benefit a soup or sauce
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) September 22, 2020
Welcome to adulthood.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 22, 2020
Loud cars make you angry now.
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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