The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
me: this is an attack on our country
— Ziwe (@ziwe) April 9, 2018
chipotle employee: are you paying for the guacamole or not?
a lady in the sheets and a lady in the sheets. what i'm trying to say is i never leave my house.
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) April 10, 2018
I really only go on Facebook for work and to see the latest pyramid scheme someone I went to high school with is now deeply invested in
— Jenna Amatulli (@ohheyjenna) April 11, 2018
*watches Law & Order twice*
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 10, 2018
“I have a few things to say about the Cohen raid.” 1/256
not to brag but this bird just proposed to me pic.twitter.com/ou2sqVbeBD
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 11, 2018
cant even keep track of who got voted out the white house this week. gonna have to wait for the reunion show
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 11, 2018
i wonder how my therapist has me listed in her phone. "taylor fast talker"? "taylor reschedules 2 hours before"? "taylor hates men who don't vote and who don't appreciate harry styles"????
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) April 10, 2018
*friend cancels plans*
— Jasmine (@JasmineLWatkins) April 8, 2018
*me continuing to watch Netflix because I never actually started getting ready in the first place* pic.twitter.com/NHFkqbR64q
I keep hearing “isle of dogs” as “I love dogs” and thinking “oh cool they made a movie about that thing I always say”
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) April 9, 2018
Once again Rihanna is trying to turn us all into Rihannas and I am here for it. pic.twitter.com/9bjMhBX5Gg
— A.K.C.B. (@AlannaBennett) April 10, 2018
Motion sensor sinks do not detect me until I have performed at least two verses and a chorus of Mr Cellophane
— Natalie Walker (friend of Paddington) (@nwalks) April 12, 2018
WHEN 👏🏻 YOU 👏🏻 ASK 👏🏻 ME 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 CLAP 👏🏻 AT 👏🏻 CONCERTS 👏🏻 I 👏🏻 WILL👏🏻 NOT👏🏻 BECAUSE 👏🏻 I👏🏻 AM 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 PAYING 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 HEAR👏🏻 MY 👏🏻 OWN 👏🏻 HANDS 👏🏻
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) April 11, 2018
a group of four people will always spontaneously become sex and the city
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) April 11, 2018
Seriously contemplated changing my profile pic to this dog in his little shy vest because I felt SEEN pic.twitter.com/YL0FYM8nqe
— Molly (@isteintraum) April 8, 2018
In lieu of coffee, I energize myself by having heated, imaginary debates w/ Ed Sheeran, my personal nemesis
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 11, 2018
Me trying to figure out how I’m supposed to be successful, cute, fit, happy, well rested, keep a clean house, be a good daughter/sister/friend, and remain fiscally responsible with only 24 hours in a day to work with pic.twitter.com/L6gw6aGFBo
— Sylvia Obell (@SylviaObell) April 9, 2018
I’m going to have a Stranger Things themed wedding
— Jessie Paege (@jessiepaege) April 8, 2018
find yourself a gal pal who calls you up and asks you to play the role of her clit in a music video
— anna borges (@annabroges) April 10, 2018
When I double text a fuckboy and then immediately regret it pic.twitter.com/xsSlxKcLnN
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 11, 2018
IT’S 75 DEGREES ON FRIDAY & SATURDAY HOW NAKED YALL GETTING????
— Connie Lingus (@connperignon) April 11, 2018
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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