The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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me: this is an attack on our country
— Ziwe (@ziwe) April 9, 2018
chipotle employee: are you paying for the guacamole or not?
a lady in the sheets and a lady in the sheets. what i'm trying to say is i never leave my house.
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) April 10, 2018
I really only go on Facebook for work and to see the latest pyramid scheme someone I went to high school with is now deeply invested in
— Jenna Amatulli (@ohheyjenna) April 11, 2018
*watches Law & Order twice*
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 10, 2018
“I have a few things to say about the Cohen raid.” 1/256
not to brag but this bird just proposed to me pic.twitter.com/ou2sqVbeBD
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 11, 2018
cant even keep track of who got voted out the white house this week. gonna have to wait for the reunion show
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 11, 2018
i wonder how my therapist has me listed in her phone. "taylor fast talker"? "taylor reschedules 2 hours before"? "taylor hates men who don't vote and who don't appreciate harry styles"????
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) April 10, 2018
*friend cancels plans*
— Jasmine (@JasmineLWatkins) April 8, 2018
*me continuing to watch Netflix because I never actually started getting ready in the first place* pic.twitter.com/NHFkqbR64q
I keep hearing “isle of dogs” as “I love dogs” and thinking “oh cool they made a movie about that thing I always say”
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) April 9, 2018
Once again Rihanna is trying to turn us all into Rihannas and I am here for it. pic.twitter.com/9bjMhBX5Gg
— A.K.C.B. (@AlannaBennett) April 10, 2018
Motion sensor sinks do not detect me until I have performed at least two verses and a chorus of Mr Cellophane
— Natalie Walker (friend of Paddington) (@nwalks) April 12, 2018
WHEN 👏🏻 YOU 👏🏻 ASK 👏🏻 ME 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 CLAP 👏🏻 AT 👏🏻 CONCERTS 👏🏻 I 👏🏻 WILL👏🏻 NOT👏🏻 BECAUSE 👏🏻 I👏🏻 AM 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 PAYING 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 HEAR👏🏻 MY 👏🏻 OWN 👏🏻 HANDS 👏🏻
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) April 11, 2018
a group of four people will always spontaneously become sex and the city
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) April 11, 2018
Seriously contemplated changing my profile pic to this dog in his little shy vest because I felt SEEN pic.twitter.com/YL0FYM8nqe
— Molly (@isteintraum) April 8, 2018
In lieu of coffee, I energize myself by having heated, imaginary debates w/ Ed Sheeran, my personal nemesis
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 11, 2018
Me trying to figure out how I’m supposed to be successful, cute, fit, happy, well rested, keep a clean house, be a good daughter/sister/friend, and remain fiscally responsible with only 24 hours in a day to work with pic.twitter.com/L6gw6aGFBo
— Sylvia Obell (@SylviaObell) April 9, 2018
I’m going to have a Stranger Things themed wedding
— Jessie Paege (@jessiepaege) April 8, 2018
find yourself a gal pal who calls you up and asks you to play the role of her clit in a music video
— anna borges (@annabroges) April 10, 2018
When I double text a fuckboy and then immediately regret it pic.twitter.com/xsSlxKcLnN
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 11, 2018
IT’S 75 DEGREES ON FRIDAY & SATURDAY HOW NAKED YALL GETTING????
— Connie Lingus (@connperignon) April 11, 2018
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