It’s a rare kind of person who actually enjoys going to the airport. Between the long security lines, flight delays, scarce food offerings and generally unhappy people, there’s very little to relish about the experience.
But at least you can laugh (and tweet) about it. We’ve rounded up 45 too-real tweets about the hell that is the airport.
It should be okay to boo people at the airport
— Erin *crosstalk* Ryan (@morninggloria) April 23, 2018
sitting here in the airport waiting to board my flight and there's a goddamned bird in the terminal flying around by itself showing the fuck off
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 3, 2019
every time I go to the airport, my gate is the longest walk possible. If I’m gate 48, the gates start at 1. If I’m gate 1, the gates start at 48 and go backwards. What are these other gates in between even? Are these actors
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 29, 2018
Aint no salad like an airport salad cuz an airport salad don’t food
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 9, 2018
The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 23, 2018
In other news, a man was carrying a frozen lasagna through airport security this evening.
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) August 14, 2017
Why do I buy cooking magazines in airports? I might as well be buying porn. I get all excited but there's nothing I can do about it.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 12, 2014
There is absolutely no reason to be using your skateboard indoors at an airport
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) March 25, 2017
There is rude then there’s Airport Rude
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 25, 2018
“oh you’re thirsty? good. we’re $9 now, you stupid fuck” - bottles of water at an airport.
— kim monte 🏳️🌈 (@KimmyMonte) November 18, 2018
Too many people link the word "airport" with "barefoot"
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 19, 2015
Wow. NEWARK AIRPORT does a fantastic impression of HELL.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 7, 2018
me: has never done cocaine
— claire (@cloxic) June 25, 2019
me walking through airport security: oh god what if i have cocaine in my bag
Laguardia is a great airport if you've recently been held hostage by large rats and just need a quiet place to eat some off-brand Sbarro's.
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) October 11, 2017
I enter Hudson News. I go into a fugue state. I leave with one soda, two magazines, and some crackers I’ve never heard of. I have spent $78. This seems accurate and correct.
— Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. (@clapifyoulikeme) February 23, 2023
TSA Agent: Anything sharp or dangerous in here?
— Lesley Nneka Arimah (@larimah) March 29, 2018
Me: Only if you fear the written word 😏 😏 *finger guns*
TSA: 😐
Me: 😬
TSA: 🤨
Me: No, ma’am, nothing sharp or dangerous.
I can help you get through airport security 30% faster - just get in any line other than the one I am in.
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) December 7, 2017
The official seal of LaGuardia Airport is a sad family eating sadwiches on the floor
— Erin *crosstalk* Ryan (@morninggloria) December 20, 2017
I will always admire anybody confidently strutting through the airport wearing a neck pillow.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 4, 2018
At the airport today, I asked my TSA agent how he was doing, and he said “just working at the TSA, where dreams go to die.” So everything is great.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) January 10, 2019
Florida : ballot design :: New York : airport design
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) November 10, 2018
When someone asks for a ride to the airport 🔪 pic.twitter.com/2VVS8o8iXj
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 22, 2017
People who wear cute outfits to the airport, what are you doing
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 4, 2015
The time between getting to the airport and actually getting on the plane is the worst. So close to a nap, and yet so far. 😴
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) September 3, 2018
People ordering Frappuccinos at an overwhelmed airport Starbucks at 6:30 am should automatically be placed on the no-fly list
— Erin impeach alex acosta you cowards Ryan (@morninggloria) July 21, 2018
Two guys in the airport bar are amazed a margherita pizza has no alcohol in it and they're the reason you can't leave bags unattended.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 23, 2016
Never felt as forsaken as I did from 2:30 to 4am at JFK airport
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 17, 2017
I just took out a second mortgage on my house in case I get hungry at the airport tomorrow.
— Tracie Tom (@tracietom) July 24, 2018
My favorite person at this airport is the little girl who keeps yell-insisting: "It's not a bag, it's my suitcase!"
— dadpression (@Dadpression) January 1, 2018
i just heard a TSA agent say “i mean there’s passion & then there’s love” & shortly after, my chia pudding was confiscated, this has been another episode of airport
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 26, 2019
Waiting for my flight in this airport like... pic.twitter.com/dTRrcqoS6m
— Lilly Singh (@IISuperwomanII) December 18, 2016
the most unrealistic thing about love actually is that someone will pick you up from the airport
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) December 24, 2017
this woman at the airport got mad that people didn’t stack empty bins in the security line and started exclaiming “LAZY!!! LAZY PEOPLE!!!” to no one while furiously reorganizing them
— wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE. (@eveewing) January 6, 2018
before you ask, yes she was
a little known fact is that if you stand in front of the gate at the airport for 45 minutes your flight will board and leave faster
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) July 14, 2018
My hobbies include: watching families in the airport and deciding what music goes under the movie trailer for the bad vacation they're just starting.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 20, 2017
the thing about dogs that are working at the airport wearing patches that read 'I AM WORKING. DO NOT PET' is that they are very fucking pettable.
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) June 7, 2018
a man in the airport accidentally dropped his heavy luggage on my leg. he said “oops” & i said “oh sorry!thank you” & those are the two genders
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) May 21, 2019
can’t stop thinking about the time I watched a woman try to put her dog through the airport security scanner and the tsa agent picked it up and was like “ma’am no”
— sloane (sipihkopiyesis) (@cottoncandaddy) July 1, 2019
Hi, I am the recreational airport walker! I don't have anywhere in particular to be. I just like to come here to the airport and stroll around at a leisurely pace while remaining blissfully unaware of my surroundings. I like to stretch my arms all the way across the escalator and
— wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE. (@eveewing) October 4, 2017
Me when the TSA agent disrupts my very carefully orchestrated ornate system for putting items on the x-ray belt pic.twitter.com/NdmlkizVGt
— wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE. (@eveewing) January 10, 2016
Dear airport security, can you make up your mind. Does my bag go in the tray or not?!
— Lilly Singh (@IISuperwomanII) November 14, 2017
look i know you’re all very excited about the footy ball but the AIRPORT is a BAD PLACE for LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE to SUDDENLY ERRUPT IN FRANTIC SCREAMS
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) July 11, 2018
me before going through security at airport: what if i accidentally have a gun
— 🤑gnatalie🤑 (@jbfan911) June 21, 2019
tsa security agent: wow, that’s a lot of rings!
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) April 28, 2019
me: haha yeah
tsa: are you married?
me: nope !
tsa: well, what are you going to do when you get married?
me: MAYBE I WON’T EVER GET MARRIED !!!!!! THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
tsa: .... have a nice day pic.twitter.com/D002rrps4w
Can you imagine just setting off the smoke detector in your house and not caring for hours because that is the Miami airport
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 28, 2015
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