08/25/2016 03:47 EDT | Updated 08/25/2016 03:59 EDT

So Much For Being Superstitious

My palm was so itchy this morning it woke me up. I looked to see if I had a rash or dry skin. Nope. Well, I thought to myself: "I guess that means I'm coming into money." It was a tantalizing enough thought to get me out of bed. No dawdling.  

When my mail contained nothing but bills and a reminder that my next 2016 income tax installment is due in September I was more than a little disappointed. So I decided to Google "superstitions" to see if I'd missed something about itchy palms.

And that's when I found out, for the first time, that if your left palm is itchy, you'll come into money -- but only if you scratch it on wood. To my great pleasure, it was my left palm so that's what I did. Thankfully wood is in plentiful supply in my apartment. Reading on, however, I discovered that it is, in fact, your right palm that has to be itchy in order for you to receive money. Your left palm means you'll be dishing it out. Hmm...

I apologize to all the members of my family and close friends with whom I would have shared my new-found wealth. I just hope that scratching on wood doesn't make it worse. When you knock on wood it's supposed to prevent bad luck, so that's what I did. Right away. Hopefully it will all just balance itself out and I'll be no worse off than I was before my itchy palm woke me up.

To distract myself from both my left and right palms, and what I might or might not have to look forward to, I decided to look into more superstitions. Most of us are familiar with many of them: Not walking under ladders, making sure black cats don't cross your path, making sure you blow out all the candles on your birthday cake with one breath, four-leaf clovers, Friday the 13th, finding pennies (I wonder if finding nickels or subway tokens works now that pennies are out of circulation in Canada. 

But I'm pretty sure that you'll be surprised at some of what I found. Did you know, for example, that:

  • Carrying an acorn brings luck and ensures a long life
  • A necklace of amber beads can protect against illness or cure colds
  • Seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose or hold your breath until you see a black or brown dog
  • Spitting on a new baseball bat before you use it for the first time makes it lucky
  • Putting a hat on a bed is unlucky
  • A bee in your house is a sign that a visitor will show up
  • To prevent an unwelcome guest from returning, sweep out the guest room the instant they leave
  • The sound of bells drives demons away because they're afraid of the noise
  • Wearing a blue bead protects you from witches
  • It's bad luck to cut your nails on Friday or Sunday
  • Dreaming of fish means someone you know is pregnant
  • Dropping a fork means a man will visit (Note to single women:  Throwing a fork on the floor doesn't count)
  • The dried body of a frog worn in a silk bag around your neck averts epilepsy and other fits
  • Knitting socks for your boyfriend means he'll walk away from you
  • A wish will come true if you make it while burning onions
  • Spilling pepper means that you and your best friend will have a serious argument
  • Salty soup is a sign that the cook is in love
  • Dropping scissors mean your lover is being unfaithful
  • You must cover your mouth when you sneeze or your soul can escape
  • Biting your tongue while eating means that you've recently told a lie

I wonder if you can mix and match any of these. Like, if I spit on my itchy palm, while holding an acorn, will I never, again be short of cash -- even if I live to 100?

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