THE BLOG
06/01/2014 11:40 EDT | Updated 08/01/2014 05:59 EDT

Your Wife Is Right. So Admit It and Move On

It sounds like I'm just moaning about petty things that drive me crazy, and yes, I know these issues might relate only to me. But if these, or issues like these, are the main points of contention in a relationship, then in the end, I think we're all going to be okay. But when in doubt, just remember, you do want to get some sleep tonight.

This blog is not just about wives. It extends to girlfriends, common-law wives, and same sex spouses in which one assumes the more traditionally defined "wifey" role, a role I don't necessarily believe ever truly exists, but I digress. I acknowledge that I will make some generalizations. But to be fair, in my completely random straw poll of my friends in my circle who exist in similar circumstances as I do, I think most would agree that I'm just about right. But yes, wives are not the only ones who are right - nor are we right ALL of the time. That is acknowledgment. Men, pay attention. That's lesson number one.

Mother's Nag, Wives Remind

If wives have to tell their husbands something more than once, they are often quickly demonized as being a nag. "Oh, I was just about to do that," they say in response. Right, they were just about to do something that you asked them to do weeks ago. Yes, some men do forget or weren't paying attention the first time you asked, so the first time AND the second time you ask them to do something should not be counted. However, after that, then it's called reminding. What is the difference between nagging and reminding? First of all, we don't nag you to take an umbrella or wear a sweater or maybe put on sunscreen. That's just looking out for you.

So asking you to put together the shelves that have been sitting in the basement for the last three weeks, or look into the tickets for the ballgame because they are quickly selling out -- that's just helping you avoid looking like an idiot when your friends come over and the shelves are still sitting in the corner or not getting those tickets and avoiding the disappointed look on your kids faces when they are sold out. How would you feel if you didn't remember to pick up your underwear off the floor and then your kid's friend comes over with his mom for a playdate and it's just hanging out for all to see? You're welcome.

It's Called Betterment

First off, yes we need to have that many pairs of shoes and that much clothing. I'm sorry but when you're a female, you can't get away with wearing cargo shorts, baggy t-shirts, and flip flops all summer without being labelled lazy or being accused of not making an effort. We might as well throw a scrunchie in our hair and call it a day. (Ladies, if you know Sex And The City, you know what I'm talking about.) So before you go off on your wife or girlfriend next time she brings home another pair of shoes, think about this. Do you live in a house?

Do you have a man-cave or a room (or rooms in my case) that has your memorabilia on the walls and shelves. Do you fly a flag of some sports team out of your car window or hang a banner at your house on game day? Women have their closet -- and for the most part, that's it. They might get the bathroom, unless they have kids, in which case they lose 40 per cent of that room too. So let them have the overflowing closet and the boxes and boxes and boxes of shoes. First of all, they are ALL necessary, and second, if that's all it takes for us to stop "reminding" you about the other 10 things you should be doing rather than complaining about what we just bought , just let us have the shoes.

At Least We Don't Live in Fantasyland

I admit, I watch some pretty mind-numbingly dumb shows. You know the shows that you wonder who watches this - yeah, sometimes that would be me. But at the end of a long day and whiney kids and a neverending list of things to do, I like to unwind with bad t.v. Hey, at least I'm not drinking or neglecting my children or worse, shopping. (Online stores are never closed!) So pardon us as we roll our eyes as you check your baseball site AGAIN to see how your fantasy team is doing. You know, as the GM, your job really never ends, benching players, watching how other teams' players are doing, checking injury reports, looking at potential starts and quality starts and who's coming up in the minors.

Just like when I told my brother there was no Santa, here I go again, but I'm going to say it anyway. Your team is NOT real. The league you're in is not real. You are not really a general manager, your team after this season will go absolutely nowhere, and no one outside of the other 12 or 15 yahoos in your league care about the trades you've been offered or who your pitcher is facing or how much a player is worth in fantasy league dollars. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! And ladies, feel free to replace "baseball " with hockey, basketball, football, etc. You know how when we were dating, it used to be really cute the way we didn't like our food to touch on the plate, and now it's just kind of annoying. Same thing.

So yes, it sounds like I'm just moaning about petty things that drive me crazy, and yes, I know these issues might relate only to me. But if these, or issues like these, are the main points of contention in a relationship, then in the end, I think we're all going to be okay. But when in doubt, just remember, you do want to get some sleep tonight. So instead of arguing or "talking through your emotions," just admit your wife, girlfriend, or partner is correct, have a drink, and get some rest. You're just going to have to go through it again tomorrow anyway.

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