Remember when Kate Middleton emerged out of the hospital the day after giving birth to Prince George, and the world at large applauded because she wasn't afraid to go out with her post-baby body. You know, the slight belly still protruding AFTER birth that still makes a woman look pregnant even after she's had the child. I thought to myself that day, wow, she really is just like us.
And then just a few short months later, she shows up to play volleyball at a royal engagement, wearing skinny jeans, wedge heels, and going up to volley a ball, exposing the flattest stomach this side of a supermodel. There was not a cankle or fat roll or stretch mark in sight. That was the "royal" reminder that I am not like Kate. I am not royal, rich, or rocking the most incredible post-baby body.
It's been two and a half years since I've had my youngest, and yes, some have mistaken me for still being pregnant. And that stuff about just breastfeeding and the weight will fall off, that was true for the first six months, at which point I stopped breast feeding and the scale slid the other way. And while I don't have a problem being a bit heavier than before I got pregnant, it seems to bother those around me who have no issues pointing out that I used to be a lot smaller before the kids. Thanks mom!
Of course I would like to be more fit and lose the muffin top I have hanging over my jeans, but I really find it difficult to find time to work out. Working out means I would have to take time away from my kids, who I don't get to see enough of now. I can't cut my hours at work or my hour commute to and from work. And there is a household to stay on top of, so once all is said and done, I could work out at the end of the day, but my day doesn't usually end until 9:30 p.m., and who feels like doing pilates at that hour? I suppose I could get up an hour earlier at 5:00 a.m. instead of 6:00 a.m., but considering I often don't get to bed before 11:30 p.m., it seems rather unlikely.
And I guess I could eat better. I could eat less and healthier and take my lunch to work. But sometimes it's nice to want something and just eat it. Sometimes it's fun to have sushi because you can never really go out for Japanese with the family since you know no one else in the house will eat it. And sometimes, you just want a burger.
At this rate, my post-pregnancy body that still kind of looks like the early stages of my pre-pregnancy body won't likely change anytime soon. So how can you avoid making the mistake of congratulating a woman like myself on her pregnancy, after she already gave birth a couple of years before? Ask yourself a few simple questions, and remember, she may just have post-baby weight that never went away. Tread lightly.
Question 1: Is the woman drinking?
If the answer is yes, chances are she is not pregnant. If she isn't drinking, offer her a glass of wine, some sushi, or feta cheese. If she declines, chances are she is pregnant. If she accepts one of the offers, then chances are she's not, or she's playing it fast and loose with her baby.
Question 2: Does the woman have a child under two?
If the answer is yes, chances are she is not pregnant. Most women who plan their kids usually like to space them out by two years if possible. But if she has a child under the age of two, there is still a chance she is pregnant. It could have been the happy surprise. If you're not sure, go back to question #1.
Question 3: Does the woman have three or more kids?
If the answer is yes, chances are she is not pregnant. There is usually a threshold for most women on the number of children they hope to have. That threshold can sometimes exceed three, but in those cases, those women either have help or like to make their own challenges.
Question 4: If the women has other children, does she have at least one girl and one boy?
If the answer is yes, there is a greater than likely chance that she is not pregnant. While there is no correct gender combination for siblings, most people assume that everyone who has a girl will want to try for a boy and vice versa. However, this is not always the case. I have two boys and have no desire to try for that girl. There was a woman in the hospital when I had my second who had just had her fifth boy. So that could happen. So even if the woman may have a boy and a girl already, don't automatically assume they're not pregnant again. Just proceed with caution on this one.
Question 5: Is the woman getting a massage while lying on her stomach, doing pilates, or wearing an extremely short skirt?
If the answer to any of these are yes, chances are she is not pregnant. The first two are obvious. You're supposed to have chair massages when pregnant. You're not supposed to do hardcore pilates late in pregnancy or immediately after a c-section. And as for the short skirt? Chances are they are the one redeeming quality that woman feels she has and she is trying to draw the eye away from her mid-section and towards her one asset. I know since I've done this one, like last week.
So please take note to your post-baby friends. If you have a friend with a child (or children) and they are carrying a little bit more in the middle than before the baby, yes, they know they have a muffin top. Yes, they know they still kind of look a bit pregnant, especially when their loved ones (see: husband) tell them their outfit makes them look a little pregnant and they KNOW their wife is not. And yes, they often do wish they could go back to their imperfect pre-baby bodies. And then realize that if they ARE pregnant, chances are they'll let you know. If they don't say anything, just don't go there.
MORE ON HUFFPOST:
