Rules for 2016: It is OK to kiss and tell, as long as you do it publicly, online, in the form of a Yelp review.
And don't get caught by Yelp, of course.
Meet Natalie Walker, a 25-year-old actress from New York, who decided to put an interesting spin on Yelp by posting reviews to various movie theatres and venues, but instead of rating the establishment, she rated the dates she's had at each place over the course of her life.
Diving as far back as 2003, Walker takes us through her dating life and the teenaged-cinema romps, ex-boyfriend drama and musical theatre debates that came along with them. She rated each one up to five stars, then posted them on Twitter and Instagram to share the laughs.
She recalls one terrible middle school date that was interrupted by her father, but apparently didn't faze her date, who returned from military school years later and showed up at her doorstep.
More than once, a phone call interrupted her quiet movie dates. Some ended better than others.
And then there was a mediocre three-star date that was as good as it could get, considering he wasn't a fan of "typical musical theatre."
Twitter had a ball with the posts, and after filmmaker Miranda July retweeted one, Walker's feed lit up, Refinery29 reports.
Walker tells BuzzFeed News that she intentionally reviewed big chains because she didn't want to hurt any small businesses.
Yelp, however, was none too pleased to see her latest comedic endeavour. One of their representatives emailed Walker and requested she quit with the posts, as they violated their content guidelines on relevance. After an attempt to disguise her profile photo with a moustache didn't work, Walker responded by trying to woo Pam instead.
Too bad Pam's heart belongs to another.
Walker's account was finally deleted and her reviews were pulled from the site, but the screenshots live forever.