I'd like to think I'm a little young to be blogging about this yet I find it interesting as well. I was recently asked by my therapist if there are any events in my life that I regret. Do I regret being born? Do I regret the fact that my father walked out on my mom? Do I regret that my mother abandoned her plans to adopt me? Do I regret spending my childhood in foster care living in 16 different group homes and foster homes. I discussed my true thoughts with my therapist and she found them to be sincere and fascinating so I thought I would share them with you.
According to Dictionary.com 'regret' is defined as "a sense of loss, disappointment, or dissatisfaction. A feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault etc."
I believe every child should be raised in a stable and loving home. It doesn't have to be with your biological family but it needs to be a family. I feel like that time is crucial to a child and is the foundation for their entire lives. While I have lived with my mom since leaving Children's Aid back in 2008, I will always feel as if I'm owed those extra years with her.
I regret spending my childhood in the care of CAS because my mother regrets through no fault of her own that she was unable to properly care for me. To this day it is difficult to see my mother struggle with having to grapple with being advised by very competent lawyers to give up her parental rights.
At the same time I formed lifelong relationships with many of the people who cared for me during my time in Children's Aid. I met a lot of people and I experienced things even the most talented fiction authors could never make into a story.
I have suffered angst, sorrow, and even trauma from having an unconventional childhood. As much as I carry these effects with me to this day I also carry the memories of sitting court-side at a Raptors game, throwing a birthday party for a caregiver when it wasn't even his birthday, or riding my very first roller coaster.
My time in foster care has shaped me and will forever be apart of my identity. Everyday I think of what I endured and will continue to do so until the day I die.
There are certain events in my life that have hurt me tremendously and to this day I still feel the pain from them. But because of those events I have gone on to be successful. For example I know without them I would have likely never have become a mental health advocate. My experience in care even helped me to determine the type of career I'm pursuing.
I am proud of the life experience I have been able to build up in my first 24 years and I feel as if I am a better person because of it.
So when you ask me if I have any regrets --- I will tell you that I have none.