Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from parents to spread the joy. In honor of Mother’s Day, we wanted to highlight the hilarious moms of Twitter this week.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I put on pants and lipstick and my daughter asked if I was in disguise.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) May 10, 2019
"What do you want for Mother's Day?" my 10 year old asks, as he steps over the lacrosse stick he left in the middle of the dining room floor for the past 3 days.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) May 7, 2019
If you are leaving the house on time with kids fully-clothed and everyone's teeth brushed and hair done, you are not a parent. You are a sitcom character.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) May 5, 2019
Young mom: I hope he plans something nice for Mother’s Day.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) May 9, 2019
Veteran mom: I booked my hotel room for Saturday night and will be back late Sunday.
Welcome to parenthood. You're awake now. Just whenever.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) May 8, 2019
Midnight: awake.
7 am: awake.
2 am: awake.
4:30am: awake.
I told my daughter that she had to come to the store with me because I couldn’t leave her home and she asked why I couldn’t just put her in the kennel with the dog while I’m gone and for a second I was like.... why can’t I?
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) May 7, 2019
7 told me “my pants really disappointed me today,” so I just replied, “such is the nature of pants,” and we nodded at each other.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) May 7, 2019
He is my person.
I’ve never been betrayed by a lover, but I did just walk into Target with hungry children only to find their café closed, so...
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 8, 2019
A round of applause for my son Sam who told me today that he needs to buy a textbook for one of his high school/college credit classes. A class that began in SEPTEMBER 2018 and ends in two weeks. I am raising Ferris Bueller.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) May 9, 2019
made scrambled eggs that look like they belong in a $50/head Mother’s Day brunch and my son rejected them for being “too yellow-y”
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 8, 2019
When my kids ask me what my favorite animal is, I tell them they are.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 10, 2019
The ultrasound technician didn't seem as excited as I was when I pointed out (repeatedly) that my abdominal scan looked like the Battle of Winterfell.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) May 8, 2019
What’s the proper amount of time to put in your resignation from being a parent?
— THE INTHICCABLE HULK 🤓 (@Steph_I_Will) May 4, 2019
2 weeks? 7 days? 24hrs? pic.twitter.com/uEra6RIEsW
Parenting is having to say, “We don’t stab family members” waaaaaay more than once.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) May 8, 2019
Mother’s Day: Ideally, the one holiday I don’t personally have to handle.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 8, 2019
The Reality: “Mom, where’s the tape? Wrapping paper? How do you spell ‘mother’?”
My first royal decree as next year's preschool "room parent" will be to replace the annual "Muffins for Mom" with "Mimosas for Mom".
— ωнαтѕαяαнѕαι∂ (@tinyandtired) May 9, 2019
Oh, your kid won first prize at the science fair? That’s cool. My kid did an experiment where she found out that playing with slime in her bed makes the volume of mom’s voice rise by 10 decibels.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 9, 2019
“Motherhood is a gift”
— Celeste Yvonne (@andwhatamom) May 10, 2019
-Me, whispering to myself as I scrub dried up poop off my grandmas antique chair
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