Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
SUMMER BREAK WEEK 1
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 5, 2019
Kid: Can I have a popsicle for breakfast?
Me: No, absolutely not.
SUMMER BREAK WEEK 2
Kid: Can I have a popsicle for breakfast?
Me: After you eat your real breakfast.
SUMMER BREAK WEEK 3
Kid: What’s for breakfast?
Me: Popsicles.
We have cooking shows withs kids cooking but not with kids judging. I would love to watch a kid tell an iron chef that his duck confit is “yucky” and “smells like a barf bucket” then demand a hot dog
— The Dad (@thedad) June 3, 2019
Parenting is 25% talking about poop and 75% yelling about shoes
— Healthy Living for Hot Messes (@HLFHM) June 5, 2019
No one is as glued to any piece of reading material as a parent counting down the songs in the program of a really boring school concert.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 6, 2019
New evidence clears my children of all wrongdoing in the Thin Mint disappearance and focuses the investigation on their mother.
— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) June 6, 2019
People coming over.
— Manic Mama (@JannaKilimnik) June 7, 2019
Me: *tidies up*
Husband: *fires up the bbq*
Toddler: *removes all clothing*
Me: “Wow, I LOVE the way the neighbors trimmed their hedges; we should try that!”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 2, 2019
13y.o *long pause*: “Being an adult sounds so sad sometimes.”
7-year-old: Can I play with my birthday presents?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 1, 2019
Me: After your party is over.
7: Everybody needs to go home now.
Me: I want to tape this show.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 7, 2019
Kids: Tape it?
Me: It’s short for videotape.
Kids: Videotape?
Me: Yeah so a long time ago to record something you-
Kids: You put tape on it?
Me: Ok see so this is why no one likes your generation.
My daughter has been asking for more independence lately, so this morning I took her out for breakfast and asked for separate checks.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 5, 2019
Took our kids to a restaurant so they could drop some crayons under the table.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 2, 2019
One night before bed my kid asked me to sing a new song, but the only one I could think of at the time was the fresh prince of bel air theme.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 6, 2019
This is how millennial lullabies are born.
My kids said they wanted to try something new this summer so I showed them how to vacuum & do laundry.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 4, 2019
I walk into every Chuck E. Cheese prepared to die.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 6, 2019
Sometimes I put my 11yo’s undershirts in my husband’s drawer just to watch him panic for a second.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 6, 2019
Whenever I am at an event where there's food and someone says, "Look at all these extras. Here, take them home for your kids," I always do, and I never give them to my kids.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 4, 2019
Just walked by my 4yo & she whispered “Cheez-Its are life.”
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) June 6, 2019
Amen, baby girl. Amen.
Am I proud of myself for letting my kids wake up, play video games, and watch YouTube for 5 hours every summer morning? No.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 6, 2019
But am I going to get out of bed and organize activities so they can have fun experiences and we can spend time quality time together as a family? Also no.
“Watch out, hoes!” my two year old bellowed to me and her grandma as we walked around outside.
— Marissa 🏳️🌈 (@natsmama75) June 6, 2019
She meant watch out for the holes.
Or did she.
Maybe if my kids threw in a "Good Morning!" or "Hi, Mom," before jarring me awake with super important questions like, "WHAT'S THE NAME OF BAD SPIDERMAN?!" I wouldn't be so cranky*
— Becky Crossfeld (@beckycrossfeld) June 7, 2019
*I would still be some cranky, but maybe less cranky.
The Purge, but just for parents whose kids skipped their naps.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) June 6, 2019
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