The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
Me, age 20: I think I’ll do a tour of Europe for the summer when I’m in my 30s
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) August 8, 2019
Me, age 37: I splurged on the nice shower cap
houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away...
— 𝔐𝔞𝔯𝔰 (@sailormarspimp) August 3, 2019
Being an adult is saying "I can't believe it's (x month) already" over and over and over until you die
— Karen M. McManus (@writerkmc) August 5, 2019
I’m ready for spooky bitch season
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) August 5, 2019
me 5 years ago: the Internet isn’t your diary sweetie (:
— ً (@indeprive) August 8, 2019
me now: what’s up twitter today I cried in a mcdonald’s bathroom
my coworker: oh i didn’t know you were on twitter, what’s your username?
— rax king (@RaxKingIsDead) August 8, 2019
me, twitter open, mid-tweet: i don’t have twitter
hey sorry to call in sick again but my mom asked, “are you a member of hookup culture?” two days ago and I still haven’t recovered
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 7, 2019
When an intimidating receptionist takes the time to compliment your haircut you really feel that shit deep down
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) August 7, 2019
My daughter just called the Powerpuff Girls “a cool cartoon from the olden days” send help
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) August 5, 2019
A deeply specific type of person is "gets meatball subs at subway"
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) August 9, 2019
you know it's a good night out when every group pic looks like a hieronymus bosch hellscape
— Kie (@KielyHealey) August 8, 2019
When you say “I’m such a Samantha” vs. when I say “I’m such a Samantha pic.twitter.com/lm6FZGNlPp
— Brittany Van Horne (@_brittanyv) August 7, 2019
I lost my phone and I honestly don't care to ever get it back. next step: computer. final step: house in the woods
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 6, 2019
Passive aggressively takes a nap on the couch during my own house party, in hopes that the guests will take the hint.
— Manic Mama (@JannaKilimnik) August 5, 2019
me, drunk, yelling the cat i’m
— kim monte 🏳️🌈 (@KimmyMonte) August 7, 2019
at a cat yelling at pic.twitter.com/u0BPX4ocAp
I’ll stand right in front of a restaurant and google its hours rather than pull on a locked door and bear that shame
— Weak Ankles (@ankles_so_weak) August 5, 2019
anxiety is always served buffet style
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) August 7, 2019
Brb sending an email truly brimming with personality, much to the horror of the recipient
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) August 6, 2019
gonna start my own spin studio called MENSTRUAL CYCLE where we sync our periods while we ride and then use our collective rage to destroy all the billionaires
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 7, 2019
Do people who get eight hours of sleep every night not know about spending that time staring at a ceiling and imagining worst case scenarios?
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 6, 2019
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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