12/18/2014 08:14 EST | Updated 02/17/2015 05:59 EST

'Twas The Night Before A B.C. Taxpayer's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through B.C. The pipeline wars were stirring, even over LNG

John Block via Getty Images

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through B.C.

The pipeline wars were stirring, even over LNG

Liberal stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that Petronas soon would be there

The premier and cabinet were all snug in their beds

While visions of a debt-free B.C. danced in their heads

And taxpayers in their 'kerchiefs, and I in my cap

Had just settled our bills for a long winter's nap

When on the Legislature lawn arose such a clatter

We sprang from our stupor to see what's the matter

Quick as tax subsidies to TV shows like 'The Flash'

Why must these governments burn through all our cash?

The moon on the poodle on a street called Main

Lit the people streaming off another stalled SkyTrain

When what to my wondering eyes did I see

But a TransLink executive in his luxury SUV

With the $468,000 man throwing our money into the abyss

I knew in a moment this must be Ian Jarvis

More rapid than bus lines his enablers they came

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name

"Now, Greg Moore! Now, Cote! Now Walton and Gregor!

On, Jack Froese! On, Stewart! On, Brodie and Hepner!

Yet another TransLink tax! Grab the wallets of all!

Now waste away! Waste away! Waste away all!

Like leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

There were so many others with tax hikes to try

Even on our properties the taxes they grew

Increases more than inflation, and new fees too-

All done, with nary an inkling of the strain we feel

When from our wallets hundred dollar bills they peel

As I shook my poor head, and from my face rushed the blood

In the mailbox came my MSP bill with a thud

It was dressed as "insurance," from its head to its foot

But it's a tax and unfair and goes up every year to boot

So a growing $144 monthly bill breaks a taxpayer's back

Meaning less toys or hockey skates for kids in Santa's pack

These taxes -- how they creep up! This burden we must carry!

All to pay half a million bucks for a guy to run BC Ferries!

A prime minister letting EI and CPP hikes flow

And all those payroll taxes causing good jobs to go

Reid and Kwan apologizing through gritted teeth

All because they got caught spending beyond belief

Governments and Crown CEOs, to the bar they belly

Why must there always be bad tax news on my telly?

They are chubby and plump, all of 'em jolly fat cats

And we sighed when we saw them, hiding wallets under hats

With a blink of their eye and a twist of their head

Our taxes shoot up, in more ways than we can dread

A few bucks here, a few bucks there, that's how they work

And we who oppose them, they deem insolent jerks

And again they come, laying their fingers into our pay packets

So it's up to taxpayers to yell, "NO!" and make a big racket

Send them to find inefficiencies and keep blowing the whistle

Forcing 'em to save us the money by cutting the gristle

Still we hear them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a bigger tax bite!"