I've had at least three relationships break up right before Christmas. In retrospect, it was much better to have ended things before the festivities. None of these pairing would have made it through. And better to go Christmas alone than find yourself trying to explain to your folks why your little-bit-too-jolly date is coming onto your little sister. So those of you who feel sorry for yourself because you have no one to do the mistletoe Mambo with or get inappropriate gifts from, take heart. For those of you heading into the holidays à deux, take this quiz to see if your relationship will survive.
Your baby's idea of a great Christmas gift is:
a) His and hers matching door stoppers.
b) A romantic weekend away and a nude self-portrait.
c) Waiting until after Christmas "when everything's on sale" to get your gift.
Decorating the tree together gives you the opportunity to:
a) Eventually get the job done, but not without arguing over differing tinsel-hanging techniques and having one of you say, "Fine, do it yourself then!" and plunking down on the couch to drink wine while continuing to criticize the other's tree-trimming.
b) Bond over your similar taste in decorating while you string popcorn and share warm, fuzzy memories of tree decorating as a child.
c) Find out how neat glass Christmas ornaments sound when they pop when hitting the wall because you missed your honey's head.
You go shopping together for something for each other's mothers:
a) You give yourselves a time limit and head to the mall and end up leaving with two pairs of slippers.
b) You spend a wonderful afternoon looking for just the right thing and finally settle on gifts you both agree will be perfect for each of them.
c) Your honey suggests you start at the sex shop.
Christmas with your date's family is:
a) An organizational nightmare that ends up being an exercise in seeing whom you can tick off the most as you try to fit in visits to all four sets of parents because both your parents are divorced.
b) Better than Christmas with your own family.
c) Like having a Christmas tree, ornaments and all, shoved up your backside.
What best describes the relationship you have with your date's family?
a) They welcome you, but constantly make references to your date's last love and how much they miss him or her and wish they were still together.
b) They treat you like a member of the family and often give you better presents than they give your date.
c) They ask you to wait in the car while they give their son or daughter their gifts.
Your mom buys your date a really ugly sweater for Christmas, you:
a) Force your honey to wear it and then giggle maniacally every time he or she does.
b) Wear it that night to bed with nothing on underneath.
c) Come across it later in a bucket full of rags your date uses to clean the floor.
Which Christmas carol best describes your relationship:
a) "Deck the Halls"
b) "O Come All Ye Faithful"
c) "Blue Christmas"
If you answered mostly A's, put on your helmets and hide any sharp objects and you might just make it through.
If you answered mostly B's, dust off your copy of It's a Wonderful Life and warm up some rum and cider. You guys will make everyone sick with your holiday bliss.
If you answered mostly C's there's still time to consider the preemptive strike before you blow a wad of cash on him or her.