09/15/2015 12:16 EDT | Updated 09/15/2016 05:12 EDT

8 Steps to Overcoming the Fear of Not Being Good Enough


When was the last time you felt that you had to prove something to the people you love? How often do you doubt your ability and courage to achieve something you deeply desire? How often you do you feel like you're never good enough for your parents, for example? No matter what you do, you never even get "That's great! I'm so proud of you!" -- or maybe they do tell you so, but only on occasion.


When you feel that you're not good enough, you often find yourself in isolation, sitting in the dark room, abandoned and longing for love from the people you have never received much love from, even in your childhood.

Here is the eight-step process for you to take on in order to never ever again be lost in the fear of not being enough.

1. Uncover the True Message

When you experience pain as a result of interaction with other people, it's because you tend to personalize everything they say or don't say, and take it to heart. I realize that the opinion of people whose love you have never received and always cherished is precious to you, like water in the desert. But it doesn't have to be. It's not all about you.

Actions speak louder than words. You probably have heard this saying many time before. The actions through which they show you love are according to their dictionary of how love is expressed, not yours. So, don't expect them to live life according to your terms.

2. Nurture Self-Love


In order to expand the love you experience, you need to embark on a spiritual journey to discover unconditional love for yourself. Love is a choice, and if you have never experienced love, it's because you never chose to love. Love can be a healing force that unifies everybody. You can love somebody without needing anything in return from them. That's where freedom comes in.

3. Embark on the Journey of Self-Discovery

I have a challenge for you over the next 21 days. Imagine that you're somewhere on an amazingly beautiful island, enjoying the sacred music of the ocean. You can't really see yourself because the sun shines so bright. From this place of serenity and tranquility, write down three things you love about yourself. The deeper you explore, the greater sense of totality and personal power will come in.

4. What's Your Authentic Mission in Life?

I follow my passion and my heart. I know you do, too. Why is it that you still find yourself rushing to prove to others that you deserve to be loved and to love?

Why? It's powerful question. We spend too much time trying to figure out why that we forget that it doesn't really matter. It's rarely about why.

If you rely on somebody's validation of your success, you will never be free. You will never be able to create art and fulfill your passion. It will be so easy for anyone to derail you off your path. The next time you are uncertain about your success -- reflect back on why you are in this business, this relationship, or this career in the first place.

5. Direct Your Focus on Living Fully

Stop wasting your life and drowning in suffering because you have never had the love and attention that you deserved from your parents. You will create obstacles by focusing on what you can't have. By referring back to the memories of your parents never encouraging you for the great achievements that should have made them outrageously happy, you reinforce the limiting belief of not being good enough and worthy of people's attention.

6. Have Fun Achieving Your Life Mission

2015-09-12-1442031378-3578402-1910313.jpg Coaching and counselling people, I can confidently say that you can't force people to see from your own reality. We all have our own reality, and each reality is valid. Accept that you can't control people or even change their behaviour by telling them not to do something. We all have been emotionally wounded at some point of our lives.

However, some chose not to allow that wound to stop them from finding fulfillment in life, whereas others continue picking that scab, never allowing it to disappear. It might have been their fault that they never loved you the way you wanted them, but it's your fault to allow it define who you are in the present.

7. Let It Go

It might be scary as hell to let go of the feeling of not being good enough. Maybe it's time to forgive and move on. You might think that not forgiving others for not loving you that way you wanted them to serves you as a protection. But it doesn't.

A fearless life is life with passion and courage.

In fact, it poisons you, your soul and your passion for life, because not only will they have robbed you in the past, they will have robbed you of the future as well. No one can take away your future from you.

Unforgiveness is self-fulfilling because it has everything to do with you and nothing with another person. You trap yourself in isolation and loneliness by trying to prove that you're worthy of love. It feeds this imprisonment. Problems need energy to live. Find people in your life who support you and empower you to become a better version of yourself.

8. Continuously Realign Goals with Your Life Mission

Next time you feel like you're not enough for your parents, grandparents, lover etc., tell yourself the following: "Every time I'm wasting my energy on where I have been, I'm not going to have the energy, audacity and courage I need to energize where I'm going."

Let it go...

You want to cry, cry. You want to ponder, ponder. But never ever again let anyone rob you of your happiness, authenticity and desires.


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