Being devoured by busy and fast-paced lifestyles, we eventually realize that what is missing in our lives is a space for romance. Romance has many faces and levels: playfulness, colour, sparkle, aliveness, dynamism and seduction. Gradually all career related dreams either come together or fall apart. The desire to become "something" is what we devote ourselves to. To become whole again we must plunge into thoughts about having seen the romance that has been squeezed out of our lives.
Research shows that romance is a powerful and an important ingredient in one's life. In fact, brain scans show that men are activated by romance as strongly as women, indicating that romance applies to BOTH sexes. Surprised? Yes, I know, those beliefs go against socially accepted and incorrectly reinforced expectations.
Society and media view women as addicts to romance.
When women seem to be an exception to this "rule," society then view them as "bitches" with penises. Patti Stanger proposes that women "strap on penises" because they are disappointed with current roles of men, and they have lost hope in finding "The One". However, one might posit that if you want to be treated like a queen, treat your man like a king.
Helen Fisher suggests that "Men fall in love faster than women do, because men are so visual. And three out of four people who kill themselves over love are men, not women." If the feeling of romance is so common to men, why does society keep thinking that a man who is a hopeless romantic is less of a man?
Every day I find myself realizing that a double standard permeates our choices, decisions and attitudes in every single area of our lives, let alone sexuality and love (romance). If the double standard curve exists in such fields as economics, politics or business, how can we expect such diverse, intimate, ever controversial and subjective areas like sex, romance and love be free of the expectations, norms and fears?
I observed many men being arrogant and vulgar when talking about romance in terms of flowers, candles, evening walks on the beach or other little romantic subjects. They put all of their efforts into making it clear as day that real men don't need romance. It appears that "the real men of today" have forgotten that the great courtly novels, poems, songs, and operas are the products of love and romance.
You're a Hopeless Romantic.
Dmitry Seinov, a psychologist, shared his definition and understanding of romance. He declared that romance is one of the methods that men use to elicit and awake sexual desire in women. He posits that men do romantic gestures only to entice and allure women. He insists that women need romance to create the mood for sexual play. Unfortunately, they mistakenly assume that if they need it men must feel the same.
However, for most men, romance is just a seduction tool.
It is quite a controversial point of view that creates a space for deep and long discussion. Could it be that a man becomes romantic when he does not want to have sexual relations with that woman? When he chooses not to have sexual relationship with the woman, he offers her a romantic one.
I believe that thinking of romance only as something between two people is a very narrow point of view when compared to the powerful feelings that come with real romance. If we open our minds to the exploration of romance in a broader perspective, I believe it can greatly improve and impact the quality of our lives.
"Romance can and should impregnate every part of our lives. It's a powerful energy within every individual. It helps us to see the wonderfulness of the world."
- Karolina Tatarenkova
Alan Chumak offers his explanation of romance: "A man is late for work. Almost running, he passes a couple who is sitting on a bench, holding each other hand, and admiring the colour of the sky. After work, on his way home he sees them again sitting on a bench, holding each other's hand and admiring the colour of the sky. "Idiots!" he says. "Go and do something valuable and efficient instead on twiddling your thumbs. Get busy!"
Photo by Karolina Tatarenkova
This story shows that the pragmatic man who is solely focused on work doesn't understand that this couple might be falling in love. That man is so suffocated and preoccupied with the 8 working hours he has had to plow through. Not for a second does he realize that the couple is not being lazy and aimlessly staring at the sky. The sky has nothing to do with anything. It's their perception of the sky that matters. It's their perception of the sky that will bring happiness and desire to flourish evermore.
Some might insist that romance is naivety, idealization of reality, or a convoluted variety of positive thinking. I seriously challenge this view. I don't believe in positive thinking to begin with. I don't believe in sitting on a couch and repeating "there is no dust, there is no dust, and there is no dust..." I say, "THERE IS DUST! So let's do something about it!"
Valentine's Day is coming. Romance is in the air. Make sure you create memories and experiences. Here are few strategies to doing so:
You want to know what I think? I strongly believe that romance can help you in building a mindset where there are no failures, but there are only results. It's important to see a situation, relationship or outcome as it is as well as better than it is. This allows us to create a space for our need to grow. It also invites you to thrive for the compelling future instead of thinking that the compelling future is behind us.
Are you up for the challenge?
Please share what you think about romance and how you keep it alive in your relationship?
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