04/04/2014 03:43 EDT | Updated 06/05/2014 05:59 EDT

Successful People Share These 5 Habits

I hang around with all kinds of successful people. There are all kinds of success. You, too, likely hang out with all kinds of successful people if you see success that way.

I do have to say though that I am in awe of some of the success I have seen built around me in the past few years....I never get tired of it and it's brilliance never diminishes for me. An open congrats to those of you who know who you are.

Moving right along...

In the kettle of fish of people who may identify as successful, only a handful would self describe as successful. That is, of any 100 or so successful people only about 10 or so in my experience would describe themselves as feeling successful.

I asked a few self-selecting successful feelers a few questions and added those questions to my years of observing these people. Here are my totally unscientific but deeply held views of what the top five habits in common are of highly successful people.

They are:

  • Selfish
  • Barely tethered to reality
  • Probing
  • Serving
  • Not results-focused

What is that you say? This list is not right?

Perhaps this is where we notice that the game of being successful and feeling as though you are a success are two forks in the same road.

Could it be that the success we strive for leaves is feeling less than a moving target we never get to?

I suspect it has something to do with the way we focus our success seeking energy.

Here are the details of the habits I have seen to help seekers feel the success they seek and achieve.

They are selfish.

They see the time they need for their own physical and emotional well being as a part of a non-negotiable set of priorities. What we often feel as being selfish acts when we indulge in them(taking time to go to the gym or the extra time for ourselves to make a nourishing dinner instead of one that we can get on the table to get the kids fed) are not selfish at all. In fact, they are no more selfish than is drinking a glass of water or going to sleep at night. These people see physical and emotional/mental well being as a part of their responsibility to self...a part of their priority set so that they may do their best work, be at the top of their game.

They are barely tethered to reality.

When life becomes awash with uncertainty or upheaval, these people have an ability to see through the waves of emotion and confusion and remain centered in their goal. They find ways around obstacles that others can not see because the others become caught in the storyline of chaos. Sometimes those who seem to be unaffected by what is going on around them (disconnected from reality) are in fact affected deeply but have developed skills to remain in control and not feed into the negative energy/talk/actions that often surround change, upheaval and uncertainty. Instead these success feeling people hold their goal as a constant in the knowing that it will have to endure many waves, but these waves are temporary and navigable if you have the tools in place.

They probe.

I like to party and if at a party I will always be found one of two places. Amongst a great group of people laughing more loudly than might be appropriate given the circumstances or tucked away in a corner having a deep, detailed and intimate conversation with someone about their business and ultimately about themselves.

If you see me in the corner the odds are that my lips will not be moving.

I ask questions and then zip it. I am not a huge fan of the old saying, the devil is in the details, although he often is. But what I seek more than the location of the devil is the location of the opportunity. Most people are looking to find what is wrong, successful people do this too, but they seek the ever more elusive what is right that could be better.

They ask questions and listen. They know when to zip it.

They are servers by nature. They think 'Service' before 'Selfish'.

Successful people who have the pleasure of also feeling that success when they reach a milestone all had this one thing in common:

Naturally we all like something to be 'in it' for us....but the most successful people know that the fastest way in the back door of a club is to butter up the doorman. What I mean is that if you want to get somewhere big, hard to access with limited must first find a way in. Tickets are not usually for sale to these kinds of opportunities in life - you can not just buy your way in or get a degree and use that as your ticket. You must be looking for a way to give freely of yourself to something or someone who will serve as your gatekeeper.....once in you can start taking for yourself, but you have to get in the door.

Servers are communicators and connectors, they are always looking for ways to give of themselves to increase opportunities for themselves AND their contacts or inner circle down the road and they seek nothing in return immediately.

Nevermind what is in it for you, ask what is in it for them first, take care of that and you will put yourself in the way of far more opportunities far quicker and feel much more successful as a result.

They are not results focused.

Successful people who feel success are not focused on the result, they are focused on the process and driven toward the result through process. It is no wonder so many of us neither are successful nor do we feel successful when we have been thought to be focuses don the goal. We wake up every day to the alarm "you have not yet reached your goal". I know that makes me want to spring out of bed and think service and listen and go for a jog and work even herder so that tomorrow I can be reminded that I still have not reached my goal....sounds swell, sign me up.

Successful people get to their successes over along period of time and dedicated intentional effort. They remain able to stay dedicated often times because they are focused on an achievement in that day -- the success of the process of that single day or the few tasks in that day alone. These people know that every small step points them at their goal but they loose sight of the lack of goal in the wins of each day.

Living wanting for a goal supports the 'lack mentality' which is where we get to when we are not good enough, we don't have access to the right people, we don't have the money we need etc. What if instead of lacking, it all we looked at one small thing we could to in the process out of lack? Could accomplishing that one small thing be considered success and could we feel successful? Do you think that could be enough to make you want to wake up again tomorrow and work a little more at it?

As you may know, I am working on my new site (so buzzed to get it ready for you!) and as part of this work I am writing three Q&A e-books and I need your help. I need you to, right now, ask me any one thing or tell me any one thing from our conversation here today that gave you pause, made you think, shook a bit of a question out of you that you want to explore the answer to. Go ahead, right now click here and shoot me an email with the one question or feeling you have about success and our habits around it.

With big love appreciation and gratitude.

Yours in success,


PS-I know I have been speaking all over this past week and I have not given any of my tips from the road in Ukraine or my gig in the hometown of Blackberry. It is coming and it is going to be juicy -- might have to be about sex -- people ask me about it a lot when I am on the road so I think it is time I talked about it.

PPS- If you know someone who would like knowing the top five habits of the successful people I know then pass this along to them. Forward it by e-mail and follow me below. You can join my insider's newsletter for free right here and get what is between my ears delivered right to what is between your ears each week.