10/01/2012 12:18 EDT | Updated 12/01/2012 05:12 EST

Chick-fil-A: Still Serving up Hate With a Side of Fries


Chick-fil-A is starting to remind me of our favourite evil organization moonlighting as a chicken joint -- Los Pollos Hermanos from Breaking Bad.

I hope that link doesn't hurt the Hermanos' reputation. Drugs are a business (at least, on TV). Hatred? That's something else.

On Friday, the puppet poultry establishment released another statement opposing same-sex marriage, this one printed on Mike Huckabee's website (umm, why?). In it, a Gustavo Fring wannabe said the following (from the Huffington Post):

"There continues to be erroneous implications in the media that Chick-fil-A changed our practices and priorities in order to obtain permission for a new restaurant in Chicago. That is incorrect. Chick-fil-A made no such concessions, and we remain true to why we are and who we have been."

Oh, good. Thank you for clearing that up. We were almost going to eat there again.

To be fair to Chick-fil-A (no, really, to be fair), it's not that they have an opinion or just that the opinion is firmly rooted against same-sex marriage that should irk us. Obviously, the chickens themselves don't feel this way.

(Unless, of course, you're referring to the 1942 Looney Tunes show, The Ducktators, starring Hitler Duck and Mussolini Goose).

The employees don't all feel this way. It's the ones at the top -- the few who wrote the press releases and had somebody else send it out so it couldn't be traced back to them, at least not immediately. It's just like how Jesse Pinkman and Walter White don't use their home phones, or why they wear yellow pesticide-proof gear during every cook.

But, Chick-fil-A didn't just think those thoughts. They weren't even asked, actually. They just let them fly (pun intended).

At least when Mitt Romney stands out against gay marriage, he can afford to do so under the guise that he was asked about it. Then, he can at least say, "If you don't like my answer, that's too bad" and leave it at that.

But, Chick-fil-A? Really? The harmless chicken store that you only go to accidentally? The Fred Claus to Nando's Santa?

Here's founder Dan Cathy back in July (from The Young Turks):

"I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, 'We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage,' and I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about."

... Really?

Honestly... you're a chicken store. You sell undercooked squawk. Nobody cares what you think about gay marriage so stop shoving it down our throats.

In an odd way, selling meth is more admirable than Chick-fil-A's (assumed) flagrant disapproval of the video "What What? In the Butt." At least meth dealers are meth dealers. At least a chicken restaurant acting as a front for something severely more sinister is a good front which enables them to make more money.

At least the bad guys in Breaking Bad are capable of loving someone or something other than the sound of their own voice.

This was originally posted on White Cover Magazine.