08/09/2015 09:59 EDT | Updated 08/09/2016 05:59 EDT

Three Ways to Make Your Marriage Special Every Day

Couple hugging on the beach
Oliver Rossi via Getty Images
Couple hugging on the beach

We forgot.

I received a Facebook message saying, "Happy Anniversary."

Shocked. I texted my husband.

Me: OMG!!! It's our anniversary!

Him: Oh. I guess it is... how did we miss that?

Me: lol!!!!!

Him: That means every day is special.

Me: Totally.

My husband brought home roses. We hugged, kissed and reminisced.

But no one got angry.

No one felt neglected or unloved.

And no one was blamed.

In the midst of raising two kids under four, working and building businesses, we just forgot.

No big deal -- right?

Well, the only reason it is not a big deal for us is because hubby was absolutely right. I've known him for over 10 years. We were friends before we were a couple. But we don't wait for a day to express our love and gratitude for each other. For us, every day is special.

And with two toddlers, this is not easy. But here's how we commit to everyday happiness.

1. Speak each other's love language.

We believe love isn't just a feeling. Love is your actions, words, and behaviour. It's really important we do everything we can to communicate love to our partner. You can't decide in a vacuum how to love your partner. Just like I can't walk up to a person who speaks only Chinese and speak only English. Well, I could, but our relationship wouldn't get very far.

You must learn the words, actions, and behaviors that communicate love to your partner. I love affirming words and quality time. My husband likes loving touch and acts of service.

We don't have a lot of time together so I concentrate on doing the things I know makes him feel special.

2. Make lots of eye contact.

The longer you're together, the less you take the time to be intentional. I make eye contact every day with hubby. Not the creepy, stare into your eyes for no reason kind. I simply stop what I'm doing, look at him, and tell him how much I appreciate him.

3. Be happy.

Someone once told me happiness has nothing to do with marriage. Focusing on individual happiness leads to divorce.

Whoa! That's heavy and not how we operate in our marriage. I believe happiness is the foundation of a loving marriage. But not your happiness with your partner. I'm talking about your happiness with yourself.

Cultivate your own happiness. Be conscious and selfish and take time to fill your cup. I know so many couples who schedule date nights, but not individual time. When you take time to nurture your soul, every day life becomes magical. You also take responsibility for your own emotions without projecting your power onto your partner. Remember, no one can make you happy. That's totally an inside job.

So there it is. We have a busy life, and things get crazy sometimes.

But these three things keep us happily in love like two teenagers discovering the world together. Arguments continue to get shorter and infrequent.

Love and appreciation continues to grow deeper.

We live a magical life.


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