01/28/2013 02:30 EST | Updated 03/29/2013 05:12 EDT

How To Cheat Using A Pedometer

I bought a FitBit Zip, which I tend to call my FitBit "Zit" because it protrudes from my body like acne. If you don't know what a FitBit is, it's a small piece of expensive plastic that you clip to your waistband so it can record you how many steps you take on a given day.

Basically, it's a pedometer that went to college.

I purchased my FitBit Zit because (a) it's important to have data on how inactive I am, and (b) I'm an idiot who has this habit of buying expensive equipment and then never attempting the sport again, like I did with basketball shoes when I turned 37 and an extra-long yoga mat when I turned 38.

I ordered the lower-end FitBit because I didn't want the features of the upscale model, which tracks how much sleep you get. Given my scientific proof that "new equipment" equals "never doing it again," this equation meant that I'd become a perpetual insomniac, something I've flirted with before without the help of hard data. Trust me, I don't need numbers to tell me I'm groggy and grumpy; I just need 92 energetic middle schoolers traipsing into my classroom every week day. Or either of my children.

With the pedometer aspect of the FitBit, you're supposed to take 10,000 steps a day to achieve an active lifestyle. That works out to five miles or--in Canadian metric math--8,000 metres across frozen tundra every day.

I am proud to say that I reached 10,000 steps, providing you add the totals of three days together.

When I wasn't walking, my husband and I spent a lot of time talking about how I could get 10,000 steps in a single day.

Based on these conversations, here are eight ways to cheat using your pedometer:

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Cheat Using A Pedometer

  1. Throw it in the dryer and let it dance with the single socks.
  2. Walk to and from the liquor store wearing it.
  3. Get your kids to chase you 45 times around your kitchen island.
  4. Have your husband order you around in order to get "steps".
  5. Clip it to your bra for the full bounce effect.
  6. Dance while cooking, cleaning, and on the toilet.
  7. Run on the spot while brushing your teeth. Proceed cautiously if flossing.
  8. Give your pedometer to your kids and tell them not to bother you until the number reads 10,000.

Yup. I did all of them except one.

Any other ideas how to clock more steps?

Do you have any stories of fitness failures?