Dating After Divorce
Twenty-five years ago I would have told you I was the luckiest woman in the world. I was married to my best friend who I adored and had two wonderful sons. I had it all including the home and picket fence. As it turned out, there was no luck in my marriage. The marital secrets he revealed crippled me emotionally for years after the breakup.
Worried that you're settling? Not sure if you're in love or just going through the motions? Speaking from experience, here is your guide to the Art of Settling.
Whether you're a recent divorced single or have been looking for love again for several years, marriage the second time around
As a men's image consultant, it is my job to transform men into their genuine selves, not the men society demands. When I first met Ted, he talked about his failed marriage and his imminent divorce. He said he numbed out and lost 20 pounds of muscle after his wife told him about her affair. Ted was a wounded man but he was ready to change. He just didn't know how.
Make no mistake; divorce is upper case Emotional. Even though almost 40 per cent of marriages end in divorce, I felt little comfort from a statistic. As I reflect back, there were a number of positive things I did that helped me work through this transformation; strategies that helped me to get where I am today -- these are the five things that helped me find the smarter, happier, healthier me.
Buy flowers and chocolate, make fancy dinner reservations and practice conversation starters the night before: It's the dating
Somewhere during the course of my post-divorce singlehood, my "value hierarchy" changed -- and "serious relationship" was no longer at the top of my list as it had been while married. All that independence, and self-care and personal success I'd cultivated since divorcing felt threatened.
Which parts of my book were THAT "uncomfortable" for them? Was it when I received a phone call in the middle of the night from my husband's mistress? Was it my sexual curiosity -- perhaps the fact that I learned to G-spot orgasm with a man I casually dated, or that I once attended a sex club?
Might as well write on my tombstone: "Loving mom had sex with two different men in one weekend. Devoted her life to worrying about it." Having wild sex with multiple partners after separation isn't a pair of shoes most have walked in, and promiscuity is contentious; it could be hot and juicy, yet still trigger judgement, even moral outrage.
I won't go into the salacious details of our first visit; suffice it to say that despite some initial nervousness, our online attraction was affirmed with a real-life connection that was pretty hot.