06/21/2013 12:32 EDT | Updated 08/21/2013 05:12 EDT

Should I Try Female Ejaculation?

"Should I try to ejaculate?"... many women wonder if they are missing out on this much discussed sex act.

I am of two minds when it comes to recommending female ejaculation. First, I want to scream, "YES, TRY IT!" Anything that encourages you to shake up a staid sexual pattern is probably a good thing. We can easily get stuck in patterns that we are either too afraid, or too lazy, to change -- and then we complain sex is boring.

The only time we don't have to work at having great sex life is during the first few months of a new relationship, when sex is effortless. Your lover's presence is enough to drive arousal sky high.

But most of the time we are left with sexual patterns -- some good, some not so good -- that can lead to sexual malaise and boredom. So when considering trying something new, such as female ejaculation, I want to cheer "YES! Have fun."

Another part of me wants to warn "DON'T BOTHER." If you don't naturally ejaculate, all of this talk about female ejaculation can seem like extra pressure. You don't need to ejaculate in order to have great sex.

Here are some of the arguments for and against:

YES! camp:

  • Female ejaculation is a particular kind of sexual pleasure -- a liberating feeling -- "letting go."

  • We learn about how the body responds sexually to arousal and orgasm cues.

  • It feels amazing. Women who ejaculate can have more intense orgasms.

  • It adds to our sexual repertoire.

  • It exercises "sexuality muscle." Sex therapists report that those with satisfying sex lives often challenge themselves emotionally and sexually and fight the urge to be lazy about their sexuality.

  • It can bring greater intimacy and connection with your partner. One study found that couples who ejaculated said that they thought it had a positive impact on their sexual lives.


  • It is extra effort.
    Yes it is. It may require patience to learn the skill of "letting go." Simply trying this new expression of sexuality can open an opportunity to find new ways of experiencing pleasure.

  • It's messy.
    Like male ejaculation, fluid will need to land somewhere. Ejaculate can eke out in small amounts or flow with great vigor. Be prepared for it and it won't bother you. Learn the facts in articles on female ejaculation.

  • I'll be embarrassed that my partner may think it is urine.
    Discuss this natural process with your partner and read together on the facts of female ejaculate: is it urine?

  • Don't know where to start.
    Look for step-by-step guide on how-to female ejaculate. Or read Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl.

  • Don't like g-spot stimulation.
    While g-spot stimulation is the most efficient way to ejaculate, it is high arousal that trumps everything. Many highly aroused women can ejaculate with clitoral or other vaginal stimulation.

So my answer is try it if you are intrigued. It is a liberating experience that can open up sexual possibilities. If it is not for you, don't worry. Sex can be great without ejaculation. Don't stress yourself out either way.

7 Reasons You Aren't Having Sex