07/22/2013 10:23 EDT | Updated 09/21/2013 05:12 EDT

After Trayvon Martin

I had all of these thoughts running in my head the morning after the verdict, really trying to process the results of the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman trial. I've read posts from outraged people, sad people, and trying to be peaceful people, but most of them black people and I wonder, I wish for a moment that this wasn't the world that I live in, that we deem the worth and the weight, the importance or the relevance of anything based on race.

I wish that one day we can be human and feel compassion for one another. I wish that when things like this happen that we see that we can all be angry and see the hand that we all have in creating and making these thoughts into reality and at the same time see how powerful we are to be able to transform that thought and energy into healing. I wish we could heal and truly love one another. Truly, truly, truly love one another.

This moment happened the way it happened, it's clear that George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin, we all know this and yet, I scroll through my timelines on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and very few people that are not of colour are affected by this, crying out, hurt, frustrated, lost, scared, angry, wanting change, wishing for change. Makes me question, how this became just my problem? Or just a black problem? How has it also become just my responsibility to heal it? Like I was the only one involved? Like I created this system, like I perpetuate the festering sore in the system? Like I am the sole person, or people, to blame.

Fuck that. Come on really! Let's look at it logically, as humans that express feelings; if I am in a relationship and I am hurt by something that was said or done, I blame you? That's what we're taught to do. But that's not where the healing starts, that is not where it gets resolved. That's a surface bandage.

Or another scenario is, I am hurt by something that was said or done, and I am made to feel it's my fault and my responsibility to handle and deal with it and heal from it. That doesn't feel right either. The only time true healing can happen is when we walk out into the world and open our hearts and ourselves to be vulnerable, allow the things that we don't want to admit to doing or being the truth of any situation to come forth and give this to the other person who is open and willing in the same energy to make that change, and truly dig into the depths of what it is and forgive forgive forgive for we do things and say things that we mean in the moment or we think we mean in the moment, but that's all based on our reactions to another's action triggered from a past experience compounded with methods of dealing with these issues from our parents, parents' parents and so on and so on.

We carry the world's hopes and fears each and every time we walk out into the world. That's a lot of shit that we're trying to wade through to get to the essence of who and what we are. That's a lot of noise to shut out. That's a lot of misunderstandings. That's a lot of he said / she said. That's a lot of a lot. So where do we start. I've got to start by wishing and being the change I want to see in this world. I have a right to be angry, we all do. I have a right to be sad, we all do. I have a right to be frustrated and feel lost, but we must know that we can move past this. We have the ability to change this. We have the power, the spirit, and the heart to change this.

It starts with feeling. Feeling what it's like to be Trayvon Martin, who is walking around with a target on his back and acting accordingly by lashing out and fighting for what he felt was unjust. Feeling what it's like to be George Zimmerman who felt that he was doing his part by protecting his neighbourhood and himself from what he felt to be a threat, because that's all he knows. That's what he believes.

I'm not condoning either of their actions, I'm trying to see the humanity and justice in him getting away with killing someone based on what he believed to be a threat based on everything in the world being in disarray, diseased, unhealed. We're walking around with noise, we're a schizophrenic group of people, listening to the voices inside our head, on the television, in music, from history, energetically. We're trying to wade through the noise. I'm going to keep wishing for the day that we can see each other as equal, and feel the pains of each other, feel the frustrations and confusions of each other, the fears of each other as our own. I wish for the day when we stop blaming one another. I wish for the day when we all use the love that we have in our beings for our loved ones and allow that love to spill over into the world without discerning who deserves it.

We all deserve to be loved and give love. We need healing, true healing. Deep healing. I wish for healing at the deepest level. It's going to hurt, it's going to kill, but in order for us to truly overcome, we've got to get into the ugly shit and hear each other out. Feel it. Understand it. Know our part in it. Accept our part in it. Let it move within us and move on. Let go. Forgive and move on. Move beyond this to become the clear, brilliant loving spirits that we are destined to be.

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